10 Things all you people obsessed with celebrities need to know
(monomania)

1. That model, the one you want to date, the one you want to be, the one who is in your eyes “the perfect woman”, well, she poops and even farts sometimes. Close your eyes and imagine her pooping and farting. Now step back into the real world.
   
2. For all you “ET”aholics, think of all the money the hosts make keeping you well informed as to all the juicy tidbits of the lives of celebrities. Their astonishingly prescient view of how things will unfold, informing you of things that are none of your business. But more importantly and here is the revealing part, “STARS ARE MORTAL.”
   
3. Which brings me to the next point, famous rich people die, they can become sick, they get cancer, and they kick the bucket some day, regardless of their fame.
   
4. Segue, money cannot save you. While stars can shell out for a trial when they commit murder, and often get off, be rest assured they to will die someday.
   
5. Gorgeous male actors fart too. And some day will be aged and pot bellied just like the truck driver down the road. And I guarantee at some point in their lives they will all say “pull my finger.”
   
6. Knowing every single fact, whether fiction or otherwise, will not make your life magically similar to said stars, nor will it change who or where you are. Turn ET off, look around the room; are there not traits that make you a star as well? My point, we are all stars, hell, I am fucking famous in many circles, let’s not even go there.
   
7. Let’s go back to models if we may. ALL the pics are airbrushed. If they photographed me, and used all their airbrushing skill I guarantee I would look like a young Bernadette Peters. Big boobs and all. So, all you shallow men out there that have not found your model yet, perhaps a life size blow up doll would suffice. You know, the perfect one designed by MEN. Let us say airbrushed together …. AIRBRUSHED as in NOT REAL.
   
8. Sometimes, after a night of drinking and some spicy food gorgeous models and hunky actors fart and poop and burp as well, and their stomachs bloat and they may even get a pimple on their ass.
   
9. Segue; you are saying right now, I have NEVER seen a pimple in the swimsuit catalogue, hence see point number eight, AIRBRUSHED.
   
10. And finally, most celebrities just want to work and live their lives, get married, raise families in their commodious homes, however they realize that this media frenzy, however repugnant, is part of the job, and they tolerate the intrusion. Note the word intrusion?
    

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