The not quite spring yet blues

I am sure those closest to me are getting sick of my pissy moods, unpredictable disappearing acts and woe is me darkness. But because I am in this state of mind called depression I can only think fuck you if you do not like it. I may be down but I am still trying very hard to be polite, and respectful, and interested in my friends. Which means that playing pong and napping the rare occasion one friend sees me only makes me believe this friend is completely bored with my company, or maybe he is just bored.

I do not want to rant about my woes; I firmly believe it is the state of the world that is the crux of my anxiety. The Sheep-dom seems to be taking over the Cool-dom and I cannot sit idly and watch anymore. While I realize moping does not change things I am determined to take the angst to a level where I can make a difference. No I am not turning into an Emo .... I actually always was one.

I certainly cannot complain my state of affairs compared to some, I hate my job but at least I have work, I loathe men but at least I found a few to satisfy some base urge I have recently discovered I have lately. I am more in tune with women, enjoying my female friends immensely and looking forward to our many outings and adventures.

I thought getting a new tattoo would cheer me up, and stretching my ears a wee bit, and these things helped a bit and renewed my youth somewhat, but then I have to spend a day around all these meat eating beach doldrums and the depression sets in again.

I also think I am going to deactivate my facebook account. I do not think I want to watch people's every move, or read their little love tidbits, it only makes me feel a sense of loss and I have enough of that in my life at present. I also tire of these non real to life forums, while the geek in me appreciates them, I have too many projects on the go right now. Fame awaits.

So that is that. Yes I need some sunshine and spring and a trip to Vegas more than most. I tire of the dreary humdrum around me, I give up on the prospect of allowing a man into my life unless he is amazing, which seems to not be the case, and I am moving on away from all things false.

Playing hooky today to job hunt is a start. I may even wear sexy undies.