The Wayward Tenant

I have been a magnet for unusual neighbors my entire life. It is never one particular thing they do in common. It is a vast sea of things. I try and not think evil thoughts when they are annoying me. I know I am a bit eccentric and like things a certain way. Some neighbors have been violent and awful. Some seem to always have the heat to high ( I am always hot anyway) or completely off. Others slam doors. Sometimes the landlord is a pervert.

One of my first apartments when I was quite young (not so young I did not have a baby already but that is an entirely different story) was below a man and woman who always fought. Sometimes she took it upon herself to take refuge in my apartment, and I, as a woman and feminist was obliged. It sounded as though they might kill each other during these fights. My son would hide under his bed. He would pound and yell and when that tactic did not work, he kicked my door in and dragged her back up the stairs by her hair. I swear I heard moaning and the floorboards squeaking afterwards. Some people like it rough I guess. When he pounded on my door in a drunken rage one night and sucker punched my then pacifist hippy boyfriend in the face for no reason breaking his nose, I decided it was time to move. To add to the stress of the upstairs tenant my landlord at the time thought that it was his privilege while collecting the rent to collect a feel of my ass and tits as well.

The most entertaining landlady I ever had was an old German woman. She would come into my apartment when I was not there, go through my things. My son had to stay home sick and unattended once when he was twelve and he watched her come in, and gave her quite a startle when she saw him. She muttered something in German and made a quick exit. Every day for over a month, I would come home and smell gas, and realize the pilot lights on the stove were all out. I was very confused and would light them again, only to come home and discover they were all out. I ran into this old girl one night who quite sternly informed me I could not leave the stove on when I went out as it was dangerous, and I had to explain how a gas stove functioned. She was a slave driver and as a tenant expected me to do yard work, pick up things at the store for her and when she started thumping on the floor at 3am for me to go up and help her to the washroom I made a hasty exit and moved. I never claimed to be compassionate.

The most humiliating and stressful experience I had was in Calgary. I rented a furnished basement apartment off a Middle Eastern family. I noticed a few things out of the ordinary, like my mail would disappear and reappear days later in the middle of the day when there was no delivery. Underwear walked away on its own. I became ill during that time because of a botched spinal test and could not stand upright for almost a month. The son and appointed landlord would come into my apartment and berate me for not mowing the backyard as I had initially agreed when I was walking upright and healthy, totally uncaring as to how sick I was. I caught him coming into my apartment a few times. When I met a new man, who naturally slept over a few times, the trouble really began. I came home from work one day and they asked me to come upstairs, where the entire family was gathered to save my evil tramp soul. They called me a slut, forbade me to have a man sleep over and tried to lecture me about how I had not informed them I would be fornicating in their apartment. I told them all to kiss my ass and stormed downstairs. How dare they !! I was a tenant in a different apartment, what I did was none of their fucking business. My mail started disappearing. They actually locked us out and I had to call the police, who said they could be charged with harassment if they did not stop. My son was so upset. Here I was, a hard working single parent, being bullied by these backward self-serving fanatics. They stole all my mail after the encounter. Even a government check, and when it finally appeared it was clear they had opened it and glued it back shut. That was it for me. I moved out and filed charges against them. I won the court case but never actually saw any money.

Now I have neighbors who slam the door regardless of the time and one who parties and has the dirtiest balcony I have ever seen, but hey, it could be worse.