My Special Purpose

Lately I have been privy to the talents of some of my fellow commuters. Perhaps a special contest could be held, the winner could be the proud owner of etiquette lessons. I know, I am sounding rather like a tight ass, but trust me when I say without this distraction I would be terminally bored.

The proud winner this week has to be the woman who navigated the stairs walking sideways, all the while picking her nose. My hat is off to you! Well done! I was impressed with the walking sideways alone. You beat out the elderly Asian man who had his finger so far up his nose the entire bus ride I thought he might lose it. Of course, the most charming part of his picking was the need to check out his treasure afterwards. You are the third runner up.

The second runner up is the woman who straggled onto the bus, soaking wet after being caught in the rain. She was quite literally dripping. She heaved her rather ample ass into the seat, spraying the people around her as she flung her umbrella around. She then placed her dripping, dirty feet across not one, but two seats in front of her. Heaven forbid she not be comfortable. I think she was glaring the first two minutes she was actually awake.

So many more deserve an honorable mention. There is the young man who was lost and who I out of the goodness of heart helped, only to have him stare at my tits the entire ride. I had managed to actually navigate some cleavage out of the old girls that day. Shame on me. In addition, who can forget the man sitting next to me who farted loudly. After listening to his sucking on a donut for ten minutes, the fart was a nice distraction, albeit a smelly one. We all have to fart, sometimes it sneaks up on you. I think he pushed this one out. I had to move further down the car.

The man touching himself under his NOW magazine while staring at a pretty, blond teenager was more disturbing than anything. Did he really think no one noticed? Perhaps he just did not care.

While taking public transit is in no way associated with lacking in grace and class, it is certainly a means to be subjected to the extent of how out of touch some people are. Some days I click my heels together while muttering under my breath "there is no place like home, there is no place like home." Then I realize I am home.