Why I cannot tolerate old movies (and old music)

Well to start with Old Movies, whenever I watch one all I can think is that anyone really could have been in the movies and a star back then, the prerequisite being only the ability to read, having all your own teeth and being moderately attractive, have a voice that was considered pleasing, the ability to memorize your lines and speak in that fake new York/English snobby accent. Hell I can do that. I was truly born in the wrong era. The other thing that is a must is to overact, show extreme terror on you face and when given the direction to cry open your mouth widely and bite one part of your hand while sobbing without tears. Women need only be able to be in awe of their costars, although there were some feisty actress’s who did go against the norm but for the most part watching woman clomp around with high heels on in every scene and an apron is more than I can bear. And lets not forget the fake movie star kiss.

Perhaps the flaw is in me. Perhaps I lack the ability to transform myself back in time and appreciate how new and inventive they were actually being given the technology and tools at hand. All I know is that I watched a bit of the classic film from 1958 “the fly” which of course was remade in splendid gore again in 1986, and I was only interested in the ending where the “fly” was trapped in the web yelling “help me” while the spider approached. Funniest thing ever. I was sufficiently amused, to the point of almost peeing myself. And the actress, not a hair out of place through the entire thing, fake voices intact. What can I say, so sue me.

Perhaps it is my same malfunction where old music is concerned, my great love of all things modern and eclectic that forbids me to feel the music in its natural form. While I like old 50’s classics and find them fun at times I do not like old Jazz. Being a huge Jazz lover when I say old Jazz I DO NOT mean from the 50’s onwards. I love Miles Davis, Dizzy Gillespie, Bird, and the works. What I cannot listen to is Swing and Big Band. It sounds to me like they were just not getting it yet. Like the sparks were firing a wee bit but there was too much control to allow the freedom requited to take it somewhere else. Perhaps I am the one not getting it. I love the time frame and wish I had been a teenager then during the prohibition and early roots of Jazz, I am determined to acquire an understanding. The 1930s ushered in a style of music that that became the most accessible and popular in jazz history. From 1935, when the U.S. was recovering from the Great Depression, big bands flourished as the dance craze swept the country. Nationwide exposure to "swing" music via radio broadcasts and recordings enabled the music to thrust into popular culture. Band leaders including Benny Goodman, Count Basie, Duke Ellington, Jimmie Lunceford , Artie Shaw, Cab Calloway, Benny Carter, Earl Hines, Chick Webb, Tommy Dorsey, and Charlie Barnet became household names and popular music icons. At the onset of the swing era, jazz had begun to take on more standardized characteristics.

Perhaps just not standard enough for this girl. My homework this week, to listen to some old Jazz until I understand it or my head exploded.

But don’t expect me to watch an old movie, dahling …