I've had to use public transit for the past week, and my hatred for humans has intensified. Let me share...

I got on the subway and sat down. I begin to look around, like you normally do on the subway. I see a man sitting by himself and chewing. Not like gum chewing, this was a whole body chew. I had no idea what he could be eating that required such intense chomping, but whatever.

This goes on for awhile. He doesn't take a bite of anything, doesn't swallow, just sits. And chews. It's the neverending chew. Another man gets on and sits down beside Chewy. Chewy rummages through his bag, still chewing, and turns to the other guy and offers him a fuckin' sausage. Just like that. Hey man, you wanna sausage? The man declines, and Chewy can't believe it. How could he not want a sausage? So he begins to extol the virtues of this sausage he has purchased. Loudly. With bits of exemplary sausage raining from his lips with each word. Wonderful.

So I'm off red meat now. Anyway...

I'm on the streetcar and I'm actually enjoying it. I have a seat all by myself, the window is open, breeze is blowing and I'm on my way home from work. All of a sudden, this woman decides she has to get off the streetcar. Right this second. So she pushes her way over the man who is seated beside her, shoves another woman out of her way, and gosh darnit she misses her stop. Awww. So she stands there like a mute donkey until the next stop. Then she decides to let everyone on the streetcar know how she feels about missing her stop. White trash women are so funny when they yell and curse. It's what you'd expect from someone of low breeding.

I'm not done yet. Strap in, people...

Streetcar again. Empty seat right in front of me. Loser of the year gets on and makes a beeline for me. Why? I'd like to think it was because of the empty seat, but no. First words out of his mouth are 'You married?'. I nod, and he proceeds to tell me how lonely he is and how hard it is to find a girlfriend. For a moment, I feel bad for him. Then I remember that this man rudely interrupted the conversation I was having with myself in my head, and all my pity flew out the window. What an ass. He kept talking, and so in the middle of whatever he was saying I interrupted him, wished him luck in his search for a woman and moved to another seat. I thought he was going to follow me, so I growled at him. He stayed in his seat. Good boy.

And the grand finale...

Streetcar. Again. Last time. Ever. I see this man on the street who is so drunk I don't know how it is that he's still standing. It's three thiry in the afternoon, by the way. The forty-something man sitting in front of me turns around and begins lecturing me on the evils of alcohol. Then he tells me how marijuana is better, no hangover and such. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink and all that. Then he asks if I want to go to his place. I rolled my eyes at him and told I was far too old for him. He wore a very confused look until he left the streetcar.

Please, please let my bike be fixed. I promise I'll be good.