Taking the TTC daily enables one to view different types of advertising. Most are designed to educate you; different products to make your life easier (dinner in a microwaveable bag…yummy), work more bearable (faster computer, better cellphone, nicer shoes than Marci) and other things that I for one don’t really need. My lashes are already thick and luxurious; I don’t need to slather on some crap to make them moreso. I usually get a huge kick out of reading the ads and monitoring my reactions to see exactly how gullible I truly am. And I will never reveal that, so don’t even ask. One set of ads trouble me with their mixed messages and weird art.

There are a few ads for Lava Life, but two really stand out. As an overview to those who may not have the pleasure of seeing these ads, I’ll give you a brief synopsis. You either call the number provided or log onto their website to get "connected" to hundreds of other seemingly single people searching for their soulmate. Who just happens to be on the same website as you. Sorry, is my cynicism showing? I think it’s retarded but some people go in for that kind of thing. Whatever. The object of the whole thing is to become one of those annoying couples you see. Great. My problem isn’t with the idea they’re promoting, it’s with the way they go about promoting it.

In one ad a beautiful redhead is holding a cellphone to her ear and looking very glamorous. Lots of lip gloss and sparkly shit. She’s surrounded by men of various ethnic backgrounds (somebody has finally clued in that men aren’t either black or white) all of whom are fixated on her. She, however, isn’t looking at any of them: she’s too busy making sure that we are looking at her. The idea behind this ad is that she’s on the phone with all of them trying to find her perfect match. So then why is she looking at us?

Because she’s called the number to laugh at all those poor men. She doesn’t need to use the service; look at her. She has no intention of calling any of them ever. So why does this upset me when that’s something that I myself would do? Because of the caption under the ad: "Meet guys who call". We have all met that guy who says he’ll call and doesn’t and we are left to puzzle it out on our own. So here she has a chance to meet a guy that will call and be a nice person and what does she do? It’s almost as if she wants a nice guy so she can mess him up and make him pay for all the bad shit that other men have done to her. I hate her. And she isn’t even real.

The other ad I’ve seen I really like. I think it’s pretty funny. Confusing, but funny. There’s a very loaded blonde woman in the foreground (bottom left corner) holding an extremely large martini glass. And it’s almost full. Her eyes are half closed like she’s got the spins and the room is moving. Behind her, with no drink, is a beautiful black haired woman surrounded by men and loving the attention. You can clearly see how much she’s enjoying herself because she’s looking at them, not us. And she is definitely flirting. She has one guy by the tie and another under the chin and she is a goddess.

The caption for this reads,"Make your married friends jealous". I’m not sure if that pertains to the woman in the foreground or if it’s directed at the men… who are married to the black haired woman’s friends. Either way, I like this ad. I think the moral of it is "Drunk women ain’t sexy, but sluts are".

So there you go. Psychology on the subway. Stay tuned for next week’s show where we discover how seemingly harmless hair conditioner can mess up your menstrual cycle.