Dating Help

Lately I’ve been receiving these strange emails from this guy who wants to help me with my love life. At first I thought it was a prank, that my mother had somehow wrangled some guy into giving me dating advice that I apparently need so desperately, and I laughed it off. Then I actually started to read his emails and realized it was much worse than that.

I could go on and on about my pathetic attempts at dating; my frustration at meeting guys who ‘love the fact that I’m into comics and action figures and can geek out at the drop of a hat’ only to get bored when they discover that that is the real me and I don’t transform into a busty blonde when we go out in public. I won’t bore you with details of dates that have ended abruptly when it’s discovered that I prefer TNG over DS9. It just doesn’t matter. We’ve all had bad dates that have made us scream and pull our hair and vow to never lower our standards again even though our best friend assures us he’s ‘perfect.’ I’ve always enjoyed dating, as I always come away with a fantastic story. Or three. Even though I wind up getting my ass handed to me emotionally, I still date and love it.

Back to the emails. I don’t consider myself to be a loser at love. I may have made some dubious decisions regarding who I’ve hooked up with, but I like to think that on the whole I’ve done all right. I’m not looking for anything out of the ordinary, just someone with whom I can share my interests and not be made to feel like a huge geek every time I open my mouth. Of course, finding someone like that is hard and takes time. Unless I buy the email guy’s book. And then I’m home free.

Basically, this guy wants me to buy his book. Now I know I’m not special; it’s a mass email that goes out a bunch of people. My question is, how did he get my address? I think it was my mom. I think it’s really her writing the emails and sending them to me under the guise of this guy because she feels if I won’t listen to her maybe I’ll listen to a complete stranger. Who tells me to be prettier. Who tells me that I need to listen more and talk less. Who tells me that I won’t be attractive to a man unless I do a few important things: lose weight, smile more and wear more makeup. My answer to that is: What kind of a man would I be attractive to then, and why would I want him?

I’m a simple person. I want simple things. Someone who wants to be with me and accepts me for all that I am, no matter if they understand my obsessions or not. Someone who can make me laugh and cry, and who isn’t offended when I tell them that they don’t make me happy because I’m happy no matter what. Someone who isn’t intimidated by my strength, but who encourages me to speak my mind even if they don’t agree. Someone who isn’t afraid to yell at me when I need to hear strong words and who speaks them out of love and respect for me. I don’t need a book to tell me that I’m doing things wrong. Obviously I’m doing something wrong otherwise I’d be happily married right now. Right?

However you look at it, there is always going to be someone telling you that they hold the key to unlocking your love life. And that’s great. When I did some digging around on this guy, I discovered that he’s been divorced twice. Can’t keep his own marriage(s) together, but for $29.95 he can tell me how to meet the man of my dreams and keep him. I just shake my head and laugh. I’m going to go and rearrange the action figures on my shelf now. At least they don’t try to set me up on dates.

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