Hot and Cold with the Human’s

The humans confuse me. My lack of understanding of them has led me to believe that I may not actually be one of them. I don’t seem to conform to the standards of what makes one a normal human. I never have and doubt I ever will be. I’m drawn to people who are out there. People who are usually quirky, odd, brilliant and artistic. I would have to say that most artistic people are quirky, odd and brilliant and I LOVE that quality in them. I begin to wonder if they aren’t human’s either.

I have decided to pull together a list of types of human’s I deal with on a daily basis. Not everyone seems to be what their package leads you to believe. At least, they don’t to me. I think these people may also be the reason I love to lurk in my basement. Avoiding these types is a day to day mission and I feel so much safer away from them, engrossed in my writing. I have more in common with my iBook than I do any of the below people!

The Opposites - Bikers, people with lots of body art, people acting odd, the punk rockers and Goths always fall into this category. The humans tend to be afraid of these types of people. I on the other hand, adore them and usually make fast friends with them. I grew up with, went to college with and live in neighborhoods with these ‘Opposites’. They are bright, intellectual and loveable. Especially the 300 pound, bearded bikers. Try having a conversation with one of them. Looks don’t mean a thing. Plus, if you are ever in trouble you want that scary looking biker dude to have your back.

The Confused - I deal with one of these every day. The fact that this person is confused confuses me. They run hot and cold. They are aggressive yet, painfully shy. They seem interested but, stand-offish. Cocky, yet intimidated. I’m not sure how the rules work here. So I threw out the rules. I continue to go on being the outspoken, wacky, honest, open and quirky person I am and hope ‘The Confused’ one has enough faith that I won’t bite. Ok, I actually do bite, but have been asked to refrain when in social environments. It scares people off apparently.

The Get a Life Already’s - I hate these types of human’s. You probably know one or work with one. All they can talk about is their boring jobs. These jobs appear to be what their lives revolve around. When you go out for drinks with them, they talk about their jobs. When they are at a social gathering, they talk about their jobs. When they are at a family gathering, they talk about their jobs. When you go out on a date with them, all they can talk about... is their... wait for it... jobs. Get a fucking life already!!!

The Phoneys - I CANNOT stand phony people. As a matter of a fact I ABHOR them. Don’t pretend to be nice so people will think you are nice and then talk shit behind their backs. Two words, bad karma. I have dealt with these types of people all my life. Do the world a favour. Get over yourself already!

The Wanna Be’s - There are so many kinds of these, I could write a novel. Let me see. The movie star wanna be’s, the rich wanna be’s, the Britney’s, the Xtina’s and the JLo’s. The Gangster wanna be’s with the fake limp and the pants so big they have to hold them up. Oh and I love the shit talking they do. Do they think anyone really takes them serious? I had to deal with three of them on the subway the other day. They wouldn’t move out of the way so I pushed through them. They started with their ‘shit talking’ I rolled my eyes at them, shook my head and gave my sinister little ‘ya what ever idiot’ laugh. I wonder how loud they would have squealed if I kicked them in the balls? Maybe that’s why they wear their pants so low? All I can say to them is if you think you are ‘the shit’, you had better be ready to take ‘the shit’, when you talk ‘the shit’ to a ‘real shit’. There is no looking back after that!

The Angry One’s - So many angry teenagers, so little time. Someone, and not their parents, needs to explain to them that life is too short to walk around angry at the world. It’s a waste of energy and time. Trust me. I was angry at the world till I was 30 and I’m not getting those years back. And stop blaming your parents for everything that goes wrong in your life. They are doing the best that they can with what they have. Of course if you turn out to be a serial killer I hear the parent blaming thing works well to get an insanity plea.

This is why I love my non-human freak friends. They aren’t any of the above. No, my friends are Seers, Bohemians, Artists, Actors, Writer, Musicians, Nut cases, tattooed, pierced, black clothes wearing, former Punk Rockers, former Goths, former world traveling tree hugging... ok, you get the point... each is weird and quirky and none of the humans above and I’m keeping it that way!

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