What I Deserve

These last few months have been tumultuous to say the least.  The last couple weeks have been hell.  I am going to talk about this once and once only and then put it in the vault.  I have gone on enough about this situation already and I am afraid if I talk about it any more I will drive my friends away.  I am also going into hermit mode.  I have realized in order to heal I need to be away from people.  Many of them are, even though they know the pain I am going through, rubbing their relationships in my face.  Some intentionally, some not.  I need to temporarily with draw from these people.

I deserve.

I deserve to be loved unconditionally.  I just ended a relationship where I was in love with someone and they didn't love me back.  I want someone who will give me 120%, chase after me, fight for me, make me feel special.  Up until last night I thought there had to be something wrong with me. That I had done something.  Last night I realized it wasn't me.  I was with someone who is broken and needs fixing.  I can't fix him. 

I deserve respect.  I haven't been getting it.  I didn't get it from him and I haven't been getting it from some people I thought were friends.  These are people who I have done so many things for.  Then I was in a crisis and they weren't there.  It's true what they say, you find out who your real friends are when the chips are down.

I deserve to be listened to.  Over and over again people keep giving me the same advice about what had just happened to me.  In essence saying that I am acting like a baby and I need to get over it.  These are people who have no clue what pain I am going through.  When you end a relationship with someone you love, you grieve.  They think this will all blow over in a few days and I will start... dating again. For some people it is easy to go from relationship right to another one.  I can't and won't.  Though it thoroughly sucks what this man did to me, I still cherish him.   

I deserve to not be taken advantage of.  When you tell me you are going to do something for me, or be somewhere at a certain time, I expect you to keep your promises.  People assume that because I am nice, they can be inconsiderate of my feelings.  No.  I have the three strikes rule for men.  It will now be put into play for friends as well.  A couple are up to strike two already.  I wonder how long before strike three.

I deserve success. I haven't been working hard enough at the things I am meant and destined to do.  Rather I have been obsessing about things I have no control over, instead of taking control of the things that are important to me.  I've changed my priorities and yesterday wrote out a list of goals, that I will stick to.

I deserve happiness.  I don't want to be sad anymore.  Period.