Why Bother...

Have you ever awakened and thought to yourself.... why bother?  Why am I still making the effort if I'm getting nowhere with this?  Why the hell am I wasting my time?  What exactly was the point again? 

That's how I'm feeling right now.

I can't shake it

I can't make that crappy feeling in my gut go away

I can't figure out why I let myself get this way

I know how I get this way.  I do it to myself, I set my expectations too high, and then as with the majority of time, I'm let down, disappointed and frustrated that things haven't gone the way I thought they would.  I build things up on a weak foundation and then they come crashing down around me.  I just wish I would learn to stop.  I'm like a dog that chases its tail, catches it, yelps from the pain of biting it, sits down for a moment, looks confused and then start chasing my tail again.

I never learn.

I repeat the same mistakes.

What is that saying again Anna?  I keep trying to do it, I swear.

Accept it

Deal with it

Get over it

Why can't I get past the Get Over It.  It was brought to my attention that I have a bit of an obsessive personality.  I can't let things go.  Someone said I have the 'spoiled brat syndrome'. I don't get that, what is wrong with expecting things to go a certain way and people to do what they say they will.

~If you say you will call me tomorrow, have the common courtesy to call me.  Even if it is a hey, I can't talk long but...

~If you say you are going to do something for me, wouldn't it be better to be honest and tell me you can't rather than not do it at all.

~If you make me a promise... keep it.  

~Don't make an appointment with me and then just not show up.  I'm not a doormat.

~If you ask me a question I will always answer it, I expect the same respect back.

Generally, I'm an easy going person.  If you're honest with me I tend to be very flexible.  When your not, I can be the most difficult person on the face of the earth.  When things aren't going my way I start to over analyze and blame it all on myself.  I'm starting to realize that I am not the problem in the situations that are arising.  I also have to stop feeling guilty and worrying about the feelings of others.  I'm trying to be all Zen lately but certain things are stopping me.  I have to learn to realize:

~relationships run their course, I have to move on and stop trying to fix everything

~not everyone will like me and I can't force them.  I have to back off and let nature take its course.

~I've mentioned this but I HAVE to stop worrying about what other people think.  I really don't need anyone's approval for all of the changes I've made in my life.  I also don't have to answer anyone's question about why I've moved away from certain individuals and why I've made such a drastic lifestyle change.

~I have to realize unhealthy relationships are just that!

I really think it's time to 'GET OVER IT'