Challenge Me!

I have this not so itty bitty problem where I bore easily! I will go through phases were I become incredibly obsessed with something and it will only be a matter of time before I’m ‘done with it’. I get all gung ho in the beginning and then... poof, I lose all interest. Sometimes I worry if I have A.D.D. I don’t, but my attention span scares me. Then in February of 2006 everything changed. I had the life scared out of me.

What happened was my Father had a stroke. It scared me for two reasons. One, he is my Father, I love him and he is way too young to die. Two, he hasn’t lived his dreams. I didn’t want to end up that way, so from that moment on I started to question why I lose my focus and determination on things I start. Am I afraid of failure? No that isn’t it. I think I am actually afraid of fully committing to one thing at a time. There are also other reasons as well.

Occasionally I quit because I realize I’m walking into a wall. Other times it’s just because I simply get bored with what I’m doing. I realized there are many other factors causing this problem for me. The biggest one is I take on way too many things. I am incredible at multitasking but needed to learn that I can’t do thirteen things all at once. It was a hard shock to my system when I had to whittle them down to three. I had to chose things that needed to be done for my own good and things that I wouldn’t lose interest in.

The things that I never lose interest in are my websites and my writing, as I find new and exciting ways to keep both fresh. The one thing I have to do for myself is take care of my health. Diabetes and Heart Disease run rampant on both sides of my family. I, being overweight was a huge contributing factor that would eventually kill me. I haven’t always been grossly overweight. For about 5 years I hovered at about 150 (please note I’m 5’8”), then about 5 years ago I gained additional weight. I couldn’t get it off or keep it off and couldn’t figure out why. I was always frustrated and angry about the situation but would always give up on the numerous diets and work out plans I started, when I didn’t see immediate results. I had never been that heavy in my entire life, for many years I had a thin athletic body, what happened, why was I getting fat? I couldn’t get a handle on it. That all changed in July.

July is when I celebrate my birthday. I woke up that day depressed that I was another year older and no further ahead. My goals had been firmly established but due to my lack of patience, I started feeling sorry for myself. During those moments of self pity I looked at the image in the full length mirror, in my bedroom and gasped at what I saw. Standing in my underwear, I quickly grabbed the first piece of clothing I found and covered myself up, what the hell had happened to my body, how did I let myself get this way?

Instead of crying I got angry. ‘I’m not doing this shit anymore’, were the words that echoed in my head. The next day was August 1st, the first day of being Vegan, the first day of regular work outs, the first day of losing weight, the first day of taking charge of myself, the first day of taking back my life. I was no longer going to be the pretty fat girl, or the girl who stands back in the shadows watching everyone else become successful. August 1st was the day Challenge Me began!

Before if I started a challenge with myself I would never complete it. I figure, I haven’t told anyone I’m doing it so, hey what does it matter if I quit. There was only one way to resolve that, tell several people I am doing it or, have others join in with me this way I know I will see it through. Now I can’t quit, people are expecting me to complete the challenges ahead.

Back in August I made myself a list of challenges:

~to get down my weight down to 135 pounds, I am now less than 20 pounds away from my goal. At first it was to fit in skinny jeans, after seeing another friend who lost alot of weight and wearing a bikini, my challenge is to not only fit in skinny jeans but look amazing in a bikini as well.
~to be able to quit my job and write full time. I’m pushing myself weekly to send out submissions, fill in grants and get the word out there that I’m determined to be a published author. It’s starting to work. I am also making every effort to take courses and go to information sessions so I can learn the industry inside out.
~to be in a happier place. By nature I’m a very dark person. Some would call me a pessimist, I say I’m a realist. Losing weight is factoring into my happiness, I once again am getting back the confidence I had when I was in my early 20’s. I am also practicing yoga on a regular basis and reading books on Buddhism. My headspace is clearing out the cobwebs and it feels fantastic! Apparently I’m not the only one who is noticing these changes.

I have also placed physical challenges on myself. The first big one was a fast/detox/cleanse I did for the first time in October of 2006. I know there were a few people out there who didn’t think I could do it. I shocked them, but I guess they don’t really know just how stubborn I really am. I lasted 10 days the first time (10 days is the minimum for the detox). The next time I did it (Jan 2007), I lasted 14 days, the one I am starting on April 1st, I will do for 20 days. After that comes the 30 day challenges. In May it will be eating 100% raw for 30 days, in June it will be a 30 day Yoga challenge. I’m working out what to do for August (July is my off month, as I am fasting again). It might be swim X number of laps everyday. It’s pool weather so why not? Next I need to start challenging my mind more.

I’m incredibly proud of how far I’ve come since August and plan to push myself even harder. The challenges are going to get tougher, but I’m more than ready for them!