Slowly Losing My Mind...

These last few weeks have not been good when it comes to my short term memory. I have been regularly asking myself "What the hell is wrong with my brain?"  I know my mind is quite full with to do lists, plans, ideas for stories and many other things (like getting my taxes done). I continually stress about trying to get it all done, while worrying about where I am going to find money to pay my bills, and do all the things I want to. I am troubled by things I see or read in the news and the state of the environment.  I can’t seem to turn my brain off, even for a moment to give it a much needed rest. Because of all of these demands on my brain I don't sleep well and am sure that is affecting my short term memory.

Thursday morning was a definite wake up call. I forgot to lock my front door. I know I had the keys in my hand. I remember putting them back in my bag ... but I didn't actually use them.  How is this possible?  How can I forget to do something as important as lock my front door?  Many things have been leading up to this and each morning has been a struggle to get out the door without forgetting something.  One day it was my cell phone, another my lunch, one time several packages I had to mail... another my wallet left on the kitchen table.  One morning, I was panicking because  I couldn’t find my mittens when in fact they were in my hand.  

Something has got to give, and soon. Though I have removed a few things from my plate, several other things need to go as well. My brain is in overdrive 24/7 and if I can't even remember to do something as important as lock my front door, what's next? Am I going to leave the gas stove on?  My dogs alone in the back yard for the 10 hours I am gone during the day.  Am I going to forget where I live?

I know that a large part of this is due to lack of sleep.  I have been told time and time again, by doctors, herbalists, naturopaths, friends, that it affects your short term memory. Thing is, I’m a chronic insomniac and the only solution according to doctors at this point is medication... which I refuse to take... there needs to be other alternatives. There has to be.

A new friend has suggested going to a health food store and stocking up on supplements and valerian tea.  Something I’m strongly considering. I need to take the time to talk to someone first to ensure this is going to work for me.  In past I have tried essential oils, teas, long baths, reading, journaling.  You name it.  Currently I do yoga and meditate in the evening,  don’t drink coffee after 2 pm or eat after 7 pm.  I am not sure if any of this is really helping though.

In stead I think a life style change is needed. I know that going forward I can no longer take on other projects. Being Miss Dependable I am asked on a regular basis to take on major projects. I can’t do that any longer.  I have to stick to the website and writing only... I continually get request to do this and that and have been saying no... but I have to start saying no to them all... they ask because they know they can count on me to come through for them.. but I think it is time for me to become extremely selfish with my time...

before I lose anymore of it...

comments below

"I read your latest entry on www.shebytches.com entitled: 'Slowly Losing My Mind...'

Several things happened.

It got me reflecting on everything I've had to acknowledge and change in my life since 2003 to get to where I am now -- a comfy spot -- but still not 100%. It's likely one of those lifetime process things.

I became empathic of your situation, connecting with the similarities between what we've both gone through (forgetting things, having lots on the go, feeling overloaded, etc.).

In the end though, I can tell that you're going to resolve it and experience several nights of restful sleep. You've realised it for yourself and have started setting yourself up for success. That's something only people with drive can do. Others are told by someone else and it just doesn't hold the same value/impact as what you've just done.

Plus, the more you put into yourself, the more you'll be able to contribute to others once you're 'all nurtured up.'

It took me a good two years of what I like to call 'healthy selfishness,' but it's been well worth it. My drive to be involved, proactive, passionate and giving gets charged up more and more everyday.

By sharing your struggle on Shebytches.com, I bet you've connected with tons of other people with the same or similar situations. Our nation is becoming the 'anti-depressant / sleeping pill nation' and it's truly a horrific thing. People need to know that there are alternatives." ~Laura Dugal

Please email us your comments about the above article and we will post them on this page!
You can also email me at carolina@shebytches.com.