The Invisible Woman

The running joke between V and I is that we are invisible. I use to think it was just that, a joke, but these last two weeks have me thinking otherwise. Let’s do a little review shall we:

~When I go to a restaurant the waitresses/waiters never see me. Sometimes to the point where I have to stand up and raise my voice at them just to get their attention. Wish that was the case when it comes time to pay the bill.

~Sales people don’t see me. Remember ‘Pretty Woman’ when Julia Robert’s goes into shops and is ignored. Yup, that’s me, the one they ignore. I guess they decided as soon as I walk through the door, no sense helping the fat one, she won’t fit in the clothes anyway. I’m built like a woman you morons, not like the hat racks you sell your clothes to. I checked, I’m a size bigger than Marilyn Monroe and though she has much bigger puppies than I do, we are almost measure for measure everywhere else. Guess what, that makes me curvaceous, not a hippo.

~While entering subway cars, buses and street cars the passengers clearly don’t see me, which is confusing because I’m not a little girl (see point above). I am continually bumped, prodded and pushed aside.

~The opposite sex never sees me. Even if I am the only female sitting in the room, I mean how can they when they always think of me as ‘one of the guys’. There’s dread and a nightmare right there.... ‘one of the guys.’ Do I look like a FUCKING boy! I don’t think so, if I did I wouldn’t have so much trouble with the sales people. Idiots.

~The post(wo)man only sees me when delivering bills. Too bad she couldn’t leave those with the person she is delivering my magazines to.

.... and if you owe me money... I apparently don’t exist.

I have also become forgotten. I guess I am just forgettable. I may sound like I’m whining here, maybe I am, but how hard is it to remember something like a birthday. I go out of my way to remember everyone else's. Family and friends alike. Even if I can’t afford to buy them something I at least greet them. Ok, not everyone forgot me, those who I consider my sisters remembered. They are the ones who truly count anyway. But just the same I have come to realized that certain people around me think that I am there to be at their beck and call. Apparently they haven’t gotten the news, I’m not a door mat. I am also no longer Miss Reliable. I have become selfish and focused and am no longer doing everyone on the face of this earth a favour. If I continue to do so I will not fulfill my dreams and will end up ill. What started this bit of a tirade. Someone expected me to just do something for them and they demanded this on my birthday and didn’t even acknowledge that it was my birthday. They still haven’t and probably won’t.

I think a few things happened this Monday when I had my birthday. I turned 40 (oh look a female who isn’t afraid to say how old she is... oh don’t get me started) and I woke up and I have decided I’ve had enough. I know that the only person that is going to make me successful is me and I need to get back to the Carolina I use to be when I turned 30. Selfish, independent and driven. I have a dream now and am going to live it and the other thing that happened on Monday is I am no longer going to allow myself to be invisible, self conscious or forgotten. My name is Carolina Smart and I have spoken.

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