Orgasms, A Day Off From the World and John Cusack

Orgasms or if you could be a fly on the wall of one of our conversations...

The other day a friend asked me who I thought talked about orgasms more often. Men or women? I don’t think I even took a breath before saying ‘women’. I’m not sure what percentage of woman sit around the ‘virtual locker room’ chatting about our sexual needs, desires or conquests, but I know the group of women I sit with do and relentlessly.

Considering some of our conversations I would have to say that women are way worse than men when it comes to talking about sex. We are detailed, blunt and unforgiving. Women can also be one tough audience, with brutal opinions and cutting commentary. Somewhere in our conversation about orgasms, the topic of multiple orgasms came up. Apparently those who can have multiple orgasms are considered circus freaks by those who have never had one or can only have one at a time. One of my friends admitted that she had never had an orgasm through traditional sex and refused to believe that any woman could have several orgasms during intercourse. Even after having two other women told her that they on a regular basis could achieve them, she still refused to believe it, suggesting it was a thing of bad porn movies.

I have never personally sat in on a male conversation about sexual needs, desires and conquests, but I would expect their conversations are more bragging than rating. Women on the other hand will rate a man on their size, foreplay, performance, quality of the big ‘O’, kissing, smell, hairiness... etc...etc...etc... And if you were bad... women will be honestly brutal about it. No... painfully brutal. Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall of one of our conversations?

A Day Off From the World...

Wednesday I took a day off from the world... I had a hellish day on Tuesday...

It started when I got off the bus at Bathurst/Bloor and was once again the victim to the verbal barrage of a homeless man... I wouldn't give him money and as I walked away he started to call me names I haven't heard in a while. Me with my temper lashed back at him. Once again no one standing around did anything... rather stared at the situation as if it was entertainment. Playing in traffic would have been a better risk....

Not sure if there was something in the air...

Work wasn't any better.. people snapping at me for no reason... I'd had enough by lunch time. But being the stubborn one... stuck around till the end of the day.

Mid afternoon the oddities of my day continued. I received an email from someone I haven't heard from in over a year and a half... out of the blue... hey how are you?

Then the nightmares started again last night. One of them I vividly remember.... a la Night of the Living Dead. Everyone I know is trapped in a farmhouse., and we are about to be attacked by zombies. I am sitting in corner observing what is going on. The chaos, confusion, tears, fighting. No one is organized and everyone wants to be the boss. Finally I have enough and stand up and start pushing people over and barking out orders.

YOU find bottles, kerosene and rags
YOU go find weapons and ammo
YOU start boarding up the doors and window
YOU do this... YOU do that...

Everyone is standing and staring at me. Then at the top of my lungs I yell NOW!!! Everyone starts to move, doing everything I say. Then a car pulls up as darkness approaches... the occupants of the car are being chased by hundreds of zombies. No one wants to help them get from the car to the house. I can't let helpless people be killed so I rush out and help them get into the house and to safety... then I wake up.

I have nightmares like this once in a while. They are meant as messages. This one is screaming I need to take back control of my life, start being brave again. Or as Anna put it last night... need to start growing back my mane... somewhere along the line... it got singed...

Now on to my John Cusack moment...

The other night I watched two John Cusack movies, Better off Dead and Grosse Point Blank. I use to have a mad crush on him, but what girl didn't? That's not the point I'm working towards though. It seems that every John Cusack movie I watch has a hidden question. And it always seems to be the same one. John's character usually falls for someone and he usually has trouble telling that person how he really feels. Then eventually goes over board.

Have you ever completely connected with someone, but you don't say anything, because you aren't sure if the other person has these feelings as well or afraid the answer might not be what you want to hear? It seems that when we feel that type of connection for someone and if there is even a small amount of uncertainty, we become little turtles and hide in our shells.

There is a scene in the movie where John is too terrified to do something and is about to take the easy way out, but one of his friends tells him to 'Buck up little buddy, buck up.' Why is it so hard for us to buck up... and so easy to retreat to our shells? The problem is we all sit around waiting for the other person to buck up. Eventually someone has too... what happens when you are impatient, like me. I hate waiting games, hate puzzles, and hate not knowing. I start to squirm. Yet am too stubborn to be the one to buck up.