::Shebytches::

Well, I had to put up with "I told you so" and a lecture on being more careful with my body. I had to go to the doctor today because my belly ring is infected. It started to get itchy on Friday, but I blew it off at first because I didn't do it that long ago. I was putting the antibiotic ointment on it, like I was told to, but now it is infected anyway. The doctor told me that I wouldn't have to take the ring out, as it wasn't too far along and I might be able to heal it and keep the ring. Now I am using what he said is a proper antibiotic cream. The type I should have gotten in the first place. Mom didn't stop lecturing me even while we waited in the waiting room, but she quickly stopped after the doctor told her that she had to take a few days off of work or end up in the hospital. The doctor told her she was over doing it and that her cold is now broncitis (I don't know if I spelled that right) infection and if she doesn't get rest, it will get worse). I have to say it was a quiet cab ride home. When Mom did talk she kept saying, what am I going to tell my boss. I can't miss work. Once we got home I made her go to bed and I made her soup. Why are the women in this family so stubborn?

April 27, 2002

Mom is working all weekend again. I saw her once this week and that was because she wanted to make sure I was ok, after the freak out over the explosion on Thursday. Mom, Nana and I had a nice night together. Even though it was still a little chilly today, Mom decided that she would take a break from work long enough to have a picnic with me. Actually we bought a box of fried chicken, fries and salad and ate it at a bench in Central Park. But, that is ok, because it gave Mom a break. She isn't looking very well and her cold has gotten really bad. I finally convinced her to go see our doctor before she goes into work on Monday. I am so scared that she is going to get sick just like Nana and end up in the hospital. Can't her boss see she is sick! I am sure there are other secretaries in the office that can fill in for her for a few days. Hopefully the doctor will convince her she needs some days off.

I didn't see Sheri again yesterday. I know I shouldn't care, after the way she treated me, but she must be going through some really rough stuff, she just got off suspension and now she isn't showing up to school.

Nana is feeling much better now and she will be moving back to her apartment tomorrow. Luckily she lives in the same building as us. Mrs. Randall will check in on her a couple of times a day. Nana once again complained, saying she doesn't need a babysitter. She is so stubborn.

I forgot to write this a couple of days ago. Yeh! Angel showed another new episode and there will be a new Buffy next week. The love these shows so much that it is ok, if they show reruns, but I am dying to know what is going to happen with Angels son and if Buffy and Spike get back together.

April 25th

Well, no sign of Sherri today. We didn't see her at school at all today. I am guessing she didn't show. Which is fine because, I have been a nervous wreck since this morning. At around 11:30 this morning we heard a loud explosion outside. The first thing alot of us thought was we were being attacked by terrorists AGAIN! Some people braved going outside to see what was going on. Some guys came back into the school and said they could see alot of smoke over by Union Square and West 19th. Turns out it wasn't a terrorist attach but a building did blow up due to an accident. I was so afraid we were being attacked again. It brought alot of memories back from September 11th. Stuff I don't want to go through ever again. I live in the worlds most amazing city and I don't want to lose it. Needless to say when I got home Mom and Nana both hugged me and told me how much they loved me. The only good thing about the explosion was, it made my Mom's boss realize they all needed a break and they were allowed to leave at 4 pm. Today Roma said something a little odd. I guess I think it was odd, because of the way it happened. We walked passed this guy named Davey (I have known him since grade 7, but I only just started to notice him lately. He is really starting to fill out), he smiled at me and Roma gave him a really weird look. Then she said to me, "Ever notice we don't really talk about guys very much. Guys, hmmph, who needs them anyway." And then she quickly changed the topic. You really had to be there, but it wasn't said in a joking way. I wonder if she likes Davey?

April 24, 2002

What is wrong with Sherri. I am beginning to think she has mental problems. Why, because she is mad, she is now telling people that Roma and I are lesbian lovers and that she stopped being my friend because I came on to her. Sherri, if you are reading this and you have figured out that this is you. If I was a lesbian, you totally wouldn't be my type. Roma was really mad when she heard this. I reminded her not to do anything stupid because she was still on probation. I still haven't seen Mom since Saturday. She left me a note this morning to say she misses me. Nana reminded me that it is Secretaries Day today. I hope her boss does something really nice for her.

April 22, 2002

I was watching X-files with Nana last night. I was very upset by the way they ended the episode and started crying. Nana asked me what about the show made me so upset and all I could say was they killed the Lone Gunman. She shook her head and looked at me like I had just lost my mind. I explained to her that the Lone Gunman have been on the show for ever and they were my favorite characters. I understand they are wrapping up the show, but why would they kill them off. Unless, they only faked their deaths so that the terrorist billionaire guy wouldn't hunt them down and kill them because they stopped the virus from spreading. 2 more days until Sherri is back at school and off her suspension. I am very worried that she might do something to me or Roma. She will have had 3 days to think of things to do. I don't understand why she is picking on me though. It is her fault that we aren't friends anymore. I haven't seen mom Since Saturday, she left yesterday before I was up and came home after I was in bed. Same thing this morning. I hope she is doing ok.

April 21
Roma and I went out to check out some flea markets today. Since the weather is nicer, they usually start about now. We ended up at Canal Jeans on Broadway. I ended up filling my Emily Strange fixation. I needed to spend my hard earned babysitting money on something. We then headed over to Tower Records and I got the latest Goo Goo dolls cd. It looks really good. The video is cool.

There was an earthquake upstate yesterday. A lot of people said they felt the tremors, but I must have slept through it. What else is new. I can sleep through anything.

While we were out we saw the garbage bag lady again today. I don't know how she survives. We call her the garbage bag lady because she carries all of her belongings around in a garbage bag. We saw her on 5th avenue going through garbage cans. She looks like she is the same age as Nana. It is really sad that she doesn't have anyone. I cannot imagine putting Nana out on the street. I remember one time when I was about 10 or 11, Mom and I were walking on 5th Ave, window shopping and we saw another lady we called the garbage bag lady. It was this black lady who was only wearing a garbage bag. It was mid May and I remember it was still cool enough that I had on a heavy jacket. That poor woman didn't even have any shoes on. Every time I walk on 5th ave. I remember her. There shouldn't be any homeless.

April 20th

Mom will be working all weekend, they are now preparing to go to trial. I won't be seeing alot of her over the next little while. I met up with her for lunch and after we were done, we took a cab up to Harlem. Mom had to stop by one of the child services offices to pick up some files they needed for their case. This place we went to was so depressing. I really count myself lucky to have a loving mother and Nana. Some of these families looked like they came from another world. A world that love forgot. I asked my mom if the case she was working on was about some people in Harlem. She said, even though she new she could trust me, she wasn't allowed to discuss the case outside of the office. She then looked at me and said there are a lot of really bad people in this world. When we got back to the office she gave me a hug and then handed me some money and said to get a couple of movies and a pizza for me and Nana. I got Some Like it Hot for Nana (she is a Marilyn Monroe addict) and the Princess Diaries for me. Roma said that it was a really lame movie, but that doesn't really mean it is. Roma is a Anime freak. Here hero is Sailor Moon!

April 19
We saw The Scorpion King tonight. I was sooo excited. I am totally in love with the Rock!!! Nana is complaining that she should be allowed to go home. Nana is on Moms last nerve. I think she is going to snap soon. She has also had to work really late. Though she cannot tell me about the case she was able to tell me it is about child abuse. She said it is ok for me to write that here, no one will get into trouble. But it is really bothering her. I need to send this stuff to Carolina. She will be uploading it in the next couple of days. I was getting concerned. I am suppose to start sending this every day if I can, but Nana has been in the room with the computer. Now she is in the living room more so, I should be ok.

April 17
Lina came up to me today and tried to talk to me about Sherri. She started out with, "I cannot believe that Sherri" I gave her a dirty look and walked away. She makes me ill!

April 15
Sherri is such a bitch. I have long brown hair. It is slightly curly. Well the stupid bitch put gum in my hair. GUM! When she did it, Roma went off the deep end and started pounding on her. Mrs. Mitchell (a teacher at our school) broke it up and we all ended up in the office. Our mothers got called to the office to speak to the principal. Normally Roma would have been suspended for fighting, but due to the circumstances she was put on probation. Sherri on the other hand got a 3 day suspension and she is not allowed to come near me or speak to me. I had to cut out a huge chunk of my hair. Why is she so angry?

April 14
Count down to The Scorpion King. Rolando brought home a bunch of promo stuff for the movie and gave it to Roma and me to share. We almost had a cat fight over the poster. He has no shirt on. Yummy. Nana says it isn't a proper picture for a young lady to have on her wall. She secretly loves him. He He

April 12
I cannot wait until the 19th one of Roma's brothers, works for a video/dvd distribution company and he got 6 passes for The Scorpion King. I totally love The Rock. He is so gorgeous. Too Bad he is married.

April 10
Nana looks and feels much better now. The doctor says she still needs to stay with us until she is fully recovered. Mrs. Randall won't be staying with her all day any more. Only dropping in once in a while. Which is too bad because we had ginger lemon chicken and blueberry pie for dinner tonight. I think I have gained 10 pound since she started coming to stay with Nana, which is apparently a good thing, because everyone keeps
complaining how thin I am. Nana keeps asking when my boobs are going to show up. It is a genetics thing. Mom is also very thin she is almost 5'11" and I am about 5'10". A lot of people at school are way too into the fashion magazines and think they need to starve themselves to look like the models. One girl missed quite a bit of school last year because her parents sent her upstate somewhere to a place for girls with eating disorders. She
is anorexic. I could never starve myself. I love food way too much.

April 8
Mom and one of her friends were yapping on the phone when I overheard her say, "Oh ya, Carrie has a belly ring. She got it a while ago" She said it like I just won a Pulitzer or something. She is so strange some times. I don't turn 18 until December 11, but I wonder if I can swing a tattoo past her. Just a small one, maybe on my back. I have decided my first tattoo is going to be a faerie. I am obsessed with them. I know I say I should get it on my back, but I totally want it on my lower belly. Roma and I want to
start our own business. We haven't decided what yet. I love art and she designs jewelry so maybe something like that.

April 7
Nana moved into the living room for a few hours today, so we got the office back for a while. Mom ended up hogging the computer. She had work to do, so I was only able to get on for a few minutes.

April 5
Mom told me to go out and do something. She said it isn't right for me to be stuck in the house with sick people. Mom has a cold now. I am afraid she is going to get sick too. Mrs. Randall made Roast beef, mashed potatoes and Yorkshire pudding for us today. Now I understand why her husband is happy all of the time. Roma and I went to a The Internet Cafe on 3rd tonight, I am going through internet withdrawal. I need to check my email and check out my favorite sites. I haven't seen shebytches.com in a week. Oh no!!!! Ok, Sherri is totally warped. She sent me some more nasty emails. When we are at school she gives me dirty looks. What is wrong with her.

April 3
Nana was allowed to come home yesterday. She is staying with us. Grandpa died about 15 years ago. I was only 2 so I don't really remember him. Nana has lived on her own since. Except when we lived with her after Dad left. Our neighbor Mrs. Randall will stay with her during the day so Mom can go to work. When I came home from school today she had made Lasagna and short bread cookies for us. Nana was being cranky saying she was a grown woman and she didn't need a babysitter. Mrs. Randall said Nana was just putting
up a front, trying to show us she is still strong. Nana is staying in our spare room, which is the room with our computer and Mom uses it as her office. I won't be able to check my email, until she can move into the living room. I had to use Roma's computer to continue writing this.

April 2nd

I know I haven't written in a few days. I have been spending most of my spare time at the hospital. We are taking turns keeping Nana company.

March 29.
I haven't written in a few days. I haven't really felt inspired to write or do anything. Nana has been sick. She has the flu again. She had to be admitted to the hospital, because she was having problems breathing. She is only 67, Mom is really worried about her.

March 23rd
Roma, her mom, my mom and I spent the day at the Museum. We try to do this once in a while. Our mothers act like total goofs when they are together. It all goes well until Roma's mom lights up and then my mom gives her the lecture about smoking. Roma really wishes her Mom would stop smoking. She is so afraid that she will die from Lung Cancer. Roma's mom is also not allowed to smoke in the house. Her father won't stand for it. He says he has to put up with the stink of the subway system all day, why should he have to smell crap when he gets home too!

March 19
So, when I checked my email tonight, I find this really long email from Sherri. She is going on (I so wanted to put the email here but, she checks this site and would totally know who it was who did this) about how I am being an awful person and that, I didn't deserve to be her friend, and that people like me shouldn't expect every one to want to be our friends and that it was the worst thing she could have done to be my friend. Ummmm, was this suppose to hurt my feelings. She dumped me and now because I won't be her friend she is being a bitch. Only someone stupid would take her back as a friend after the way she treated me. Roma is totally going to get a huge laugh when she reads this.

March 18
Sherri tried to say hi to me today. I walked the other way. Roma looked at her and said, "too little too late!" I haven't seen Lina lately at school and Bryan seems a little frazzled. It is strange how people change. Bryan use to be a really nice guy and then he got on the football team and once this happened, he got all full of himself. Now that I take a long look at him, I can't imagine why I even like him. Am I so shallow that I could like a guy because of the way he looks and not for what is inside?

March 15.
Is winter ever going to end!!! I gotta go, Mom is hollering at me to help her with Laundry. We haven't done laundry in 3 weeks, so it has really piled up.

March 12
It has been confirmed. Sherri was not only dumped by Lina, but by Bryan too. It turns out that Bryan and Lina were going out behind Sherri's back and now neither of them want anything to do with her. Later that night, guess who called me, Sherri and she acted as if nothing happened. I said to her. "I don't like to people who don't want to hang out with freaks" and then I hung up. Why do I feel so guilty for doing that?

March 11
Sherri looks very upset today. Rumor has it that Lina has dumped her. I wonder if it is true? My teacher loved my Art project. I did a collage of domestic animals called freedom. I also had to write a short essay explaining what the collage was about. It was about the cruel treatment of domesticated animals and what we need to do to make it stop. I got an A+. Mom was very proud of me. I am going to apply to NYU's art history program when I graduate. I so, want to be an Art History major. My Mom says I can be what ever I want to be.   We had a birthday party for Mom. She smiled and laughed a lot tonight. It made me feel better that she was laughing. She has been so sad lately. It almost seemed as if the weight of the world was lifted from her shoulders.

March 10
I hate Winter. I have been working all day on my Art project. I really hope I get a good grade on this. I am always disappointed in myself when I don't get A's.

March 8
Well it was confirmed today. Sherri and Bryan are an item and I am now believing they did actually have sex. She doesn't look very happy though. Roma and I were going to see Resident Evil tonight, except when I got home I found my mother crying again. I begged for her to tell me what was wrong and she said that she has been a little depressed lately. She has been putting a lot of really long hours in at her job. She is a legal secretary and they are working on a very big case. She couldn't tell me what it was
about, but the case made her very sad and it was starting to take a toll on her. This is awful, but I felt better, because I knew it wasn't something I did. I called Roma and said I needed to take my Mom out for Ice cream. Roma said she understood. Roma is very cool. Roma is my 2nd cousin, her mom and my mom are 1st cousins and her mothers dad and my Nana are brother and sister. Roma's is beautiful too. She doesn't think she is though. Roma's mom is librarian and her dad works for the subway as a mechanic. Roma
has always lived in our apartment building. Here parents moved here when they got married. My Nana helped get them in (Nana and Grandpa lived her for a very long time too). Roma is the youngest of 5. And she is the only girl. but, she is not spoiled.

March 7
I have been bad and I haven't written in my journal in a few days. I have had a lot of homework and I baby sat on Tuesday and Wed. What is up with Buffy and Angel. Two of my totally favorite shows and they are showing reruns and there won't be a new Angel until April 15. And to top it all off Roswell is going to end it's series this year and so is the X files. Where are all of my Science Fiction shows going!!! Oh. I saw Rosie O'Donnell today. I saw her a couple of times before but from a distance. I didn't
realize until today she was so, short. At least I think it was Rosie O'Donnell.

March 3
Mom keeps asking me why I am still in bed. It is nearly 11 the last time she asked. She is worried because I am always up by 8 on weekends. The last time she asked, she said, she might need to take me to the doctor. I finally get up and go to the kitchen for breakfast. I cannot eat. My heart is breaking. I really hope it isn't true. I finally start crying and my Mom hugs me. I end up telling her everything. She gives me the talk that 17 year old girls have no business having sex. She reminds me that she was 17 when she got pregnant with me. Although everything worked out for her, it doesn't always. She also comforted me about all of the nasty things that Sherri has done. She said that sometimes people make friends with the wrong people. Sherri will be sorry one day, because Lina will get bored with her and move on to someone else. That made me feel better.

March 2nd
Roma and I decided to go shopping today. First we were going to get loaded up with caffeine at Starbucks and then go shopping. Which was a good plan because, I need to get some new Mac make up and buy my Mom a Birthday gift (her birthday is March 11). I have saved up birthday money from Babysitting. I want to get a regular part time job, but my mom says I can wait until I am 18. I am still young and I should enjoy my time as a kid. I baby sit for some of the families in my building and neighborhood. My mom
loves body shop stuff so I am going to get her a gift basket and I am going to make a card and a collage for her on my computer. I have a IMAC, mom said I could get one, but I needed to save for 1/2 of it. I did a lot of babysitting last year. It ended up being a bonus for Mom too, because she doesn't need to lug her laptop back and forth to work any more. As a special gift, because I have worked so hard to save up, she got us the high end IMAC, with the burner and all of the other cool stuff and she got us high speed internet. Back to the shopping. Roma and I were having a blast, we ended up at Barney's. We don't actually buy very much in there but we like to look. When we see Sherri and Lina, looking at Prada. I could see by the look in Roma's eyes, that she wanted to rip Sherri's head off. I tried to go the other way, but Sherri saw me. She looked at me and said "Well if it isn't the freak and the other freak." Come on Lina, I
don't want to be around these virgins. Roma lost it. "What the fuck are you talking about, you stupid bitch?" she yelled. Lina turned around and said. "Oh, that's right, you wouldn't of heard yet. Sherri and Bryan had sex last night. At least she can get a man" They started to laugh and walk away. I was devastated. I had been madly in love with Bryan since grade 9 and Sherri knew it. It can't be true, it just can't.

Feb 28
My mom says if I didn't go to school today, she would have to take me to the doctors. I got dressed and went to school. Mom kept asking me if everything was ok. I just nodded and when Roma came. I went to school. I only saw Sherri in first period science. Roma said she overheard her and Lina saying they were going to skip class. They have been doing this a lot lately. 3rd period art was a free class today (meaning, use it to do homework) our teacher called in sick and the sub doesn't understand the concept of positive/negative space, so it is homework or studying for all. This is a good thing because I have missed 2 days of school and I need to get a lot of stuff done.

Feb 27
I didn't go to school again today. Roma (my best friend, since I was 8) keeps calling to see if I am ok. She overheard what Sherri did. Roma is very mad. She is also my cousin. She treats me like a sister. She wants to beat Sherri up.

Feb 26
I lied and said I was sick. I couldn't face school today. I know I shouldn't feel like shit. Sherri is the one who should feel like shit for treating me so bad. Nana came and
stayed with me. She isn't looking too good these last couple of days. She always tries to do too much. She use to work as a bank teller. She totally loved her job. She retired a couple of years ago. She now does alot of volunteer work. She says it keeps her mind alive. She needs to take a break though.

Feb 23.
I came home and found my mom crying again. She has been doing this a lot lately. When I ask her what is wrong she always says nothing. My friend says maybe she is going through the change of life. My mom is only turning 36. Isn't that too young? I wish she would talk to me. If I have done something to upset her wouldn't she tell me? We had a really long talk about the belly button piercing incident. I am allowed to keep it, but I need to have a doctor check it out to make sure it is ok. She explained to me that if the guy wasn't using clean equipment I could catch hepatitis or even worse A.I.D's. I never thought of that when I was getting it done. I was too busy thinking how cool I would be. She also reminded me that certain things are permanent or leave a scar. When she was 16 her and some friends got tattoos. Her's ended up being really ugly and she had it removed about 10 yrs ago. It has left this nasty scar. Lucky it is on her butt! Nana was even more upset with her. I guess I got off lucky.

Feb 25
What a shitty day today. I cannot believe how mean people can be. The girl who is suppose to be my good friend (has been since grade 9), who I will call Sherri, totally blew me off today. She has become friends with this other girl Lina and today, she told me she didn't want to hang out with me any more because I was freaking her out. She said that I always dress in black and I must be weird because I would rather go to the museum with my Nana rather than go to her house and watch Britney Spears videos. She said she couldn't be friends with a weirdo. Until she met Lina, she seemed to think I was quite normal. Sherri was always dressing in dark colors and since she started hanging out with Lina she has totally changed the way she dresses and even the music she listens to. She also said that Sarah McLachlan music is for depressoids and she couldn't hang out with someone who is suicidal. I am not a depressoid. Just because stuff bothers me and I am able to accept the fact that we will all die one day, doesn't make me a
depressoid. I gotta go now, my mom is banging at the door. She must hear me crying.

Feb 22nd.
My Mom is really mad at me. I got my belly button pierced. She is really mad because I should have talked to her about it first and the guy who did it, needs permission from a parent when you are under 18. He didn't even ask me how old I was. I went to him because most of my friends have and they didn't have problems. Just in case I had a fake ID with me. Roma's (who is my best friend) older brother got us fake ID's so we can go to the clubs. We haven't used them yet and I am almost a little afraid too. What would happen if we got caught? I gotta go, I need to do some major Mom repair. She has been really edgy lately and this may have pushed her over the top.

Feb 20, 2002
I guess I should tell you all a little bit about myself. I am 17 years old and a female (of course). People tell me I am to mature for my age. I am totally obsessed with poetry and history and I have anxiety attacks every time I watch the news. I was completed affected by Sept 11, fortunately I didn't loose any family in the attacks. Almost everyone I know did in one way or another. I live with my mother in Greenwich Village. She is a single mother who had me when she was 18, my father left us when I was
about 5 and we don't know where he is. We have lived in the same apartment since I was 8. It is in the same building as my Nana, she lives 2 floors about us. I asked Carolina and Sarrah not to use my real name as I have a lot of friends who go to this site. A lot of the stuff I will be writing about isn't stuff I have ever told them. I am in grade 11 and I am finding that I am having to make a lot of very tough decisions lately. I know it is
part of growing up, but, why does it have to be so hard. I am signing off for now because, my friends and I are going to Union Square to see Lord of the Rings AGAIN. I have now seen it 5 times and I have read the books twice. I love this movie. My mom freaks out every time I go out with friends. She is always worried that something is going to happen to me. I keep telling her she needs to stop worrying so much cause she will have a nervous break down. I am really close to my mother, alot of people I know say it is a little freaky. They don't get along with theirs.

Feb 20, 2002
Oh, my god! They emailed me back and I am totally in. I need to start writing.

Feb 17, 2002
I am so excited. Today I sent an email to shebytches.com to see if I could do an online journal for them. I was totally inspired by Sarrah's diary. I really love this site and I hope they let me do this.