Last week I laid some pretty wacked out shit on you people. Iôm not going to apologize. I am coming to terms with the abuse I have suffered through the neglect of my parents. It isn't easy, and I am having a hard time trying to sort out my feelings.

I am so full of rage at my mother. I can't properly deal with her right now because all she wants to do is talk about petty things while I need to pry open her mind and find out what the fuck she was thinking, allowing her child to be abused daily and refusing to believe it.

She told me once that she didn't want to believe it was true because no mother wants to think horrible things have happened to their child. I told her she was full of shit and she slapped me. I still feel that way. I think she is a cowardly woman, and that it was easier to turn a blind eye than to try and stop it. After all, there wasn't any penetration, so how bad could it have been?

I'll tell you. Waking up in the middle of the night with some person in bed with you, making you do things that you canôt even begin to understand are wrong and then in the morning acting like nothing has happened. The insides of your eight-year-old thighs are sticky with semen and you don't know what that is. You only know that if you say anything, you wonôt be believed and it will be all your fault because you are a bad little girl.

Deep breath. Okay, that was tough. I am finally starting to talk about this and it is all good. You need to know that these things happen, and as women we have to protect our children. That means believing the child and taking the steps necessary to ensure further abuse isn't suffered. Sometimes that will mean leaving your husband or boyfriend or whatever. DO YOU HEAR THAT, MOTHER??? LEAVE THE MAN WHOSE SON THINKS YOUR DAUGHTERS BODY IS HIS PERSONAL PLAYGROUND.

As you can tell, I still have a lot to work through. Bit by bit, with the help of my friends and my beloved, this will have a happy ending.

Our Women's resource pages has links and phone numbers for help if you are being abused.

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