::Shebytches::

Nothing is more important for a girl growing up than her relationship with her father. To her, he is her first glimpse of men in general, and how he treats her will define her relationships with other males for the entirety of her life. If he treats her with the respect she deserves, she will become a strong, levelheaded woman. Conversely, if he regularly tells her she’s worthless or belittles her accomplishments, she will continually question her own self-worth.

I am speaking from experience when I say this. My father, while being a great provider and teaching me many things when I was young, was not the nurturing archetype seen on TV. When I would bring home a test from school, if I didn’t score 100% he would ask me if I’d lost marks for spelling my name wrong. Looking back, I can see how to him that might have seemed funny but to me, it hurt me so much that I nearly killed myself trying to do better. I just wanted to hear him say he was proud of me. Just once.

What enrages me now is hearing my dearest friends constantly second guessing themselves because of how their father figure treated them when they were growing up. I see these women who are so talented, so wonderful fall apart because of one person and I wonder why do they give them so much of their own power? What good does it do them? It took me a long time to realize that my father did love me, albeit in a very odd sort of sadistic way. I had to look inside myself and salvage what I could from those horrible childhood memories. It took a while, and I had many set backs, but in the end it’s totally worth every ounce of effort.

So here’s what I figured out. I figured, that if I hadn’t had a father who was condescending, disrespectful, chauvinistic and just plain physically abusive I wouldn’t have done some of the things I’ve done. I wouldn’t have pushed myself so hard and won a scholarship to university. I wouldn’t have had the courage to leave my husband after he cheated on me. I wouldn’t have been able to get out of a physically abusive relationship. So many things I would not have been able to do because I wouldn’t have had the strength. And I was able to do those things because of the way my father treated me.

It isn’t right to tell your daughter things like, "I don’t know why you’re even bothering to go to school, you’re only good for spreading your legs." In my personal case though, hearing things like that day after day only strengthened my resolve to be better. To actually finish high school, to go to university, to do something with my life rather than just wait for someone to save me. I am in no way looking down on others who have been through similar situations; I am only suggesting that maybe it’s time to turn the tables and learn how to glean some goodness out of the rotten shit they toss to you. I know I feel much better thinking that way than upsetting myself because my father didn’t give me what I needed. I have surrounded myself with my own new family made up of people I love and cherish, people who know me and love me without reservation. And I wonder whether or not I would have had the courage to do any of what I’ve done if it weren’t for my father constantly telling me I can’t do it. For a true Sagittarian like myself, there’s no greater motivation than someone telling me I can’t do something.

I have been through therapy to help me understand my feelings about the way I’ve been treated. I have a choice though, I can choose to allow someone to hurt me or I can choose to let it slide. Most of the time I can let it go because I feel confident in who I am and what my abilities are. And the same people I surround myself with help me do that by being there for me when I need them. For those times when I am fragile I try to stay afloat by reminding myself that I am worthy of my friends.

In the end, I can say all these nice pretty words but if you’ve never been through what I have, it won’t mean anything to you. I hope that when you read this that you take it in the spirit in which it was written, and not as an admonishment. I know that there are some things that cannot be made all right by simply walking away and I realize that sometimes it’s hard to look for the goodness. I just wanted to say that I did it, and although it was hard, I would gladly do it again simply for the pleasure of being free of all that baggage. Because if it’s anything I do not need, it’s more baggage.

I have spoken!

Please email us your comments about the above article and we will post them on this page!
You can also email me at carolina@shebytches.com.

What you said!!!

What you wrote about Growing Up Female
This is amazing, Sarrah. I think you know that I am one of those people who understands. If there's one good thing that's come out of the last two weeks it's this intense sense of regaining who I am, and that's worth everything. You're incredible. Anna.I was so relieved to hear about your positive experience in stopping the pill. I have felt like I was "in a fog" for awhile sort of and am hoping for similar results as you had when I stop the pill in 2 weeks. Thanks for sharing that story!

What you wrote about The Bitch Factor

Hi there,

I just read your article, on not being a nice guy anymore. Boy, work or the home front must have pushed too far!!!! Hope your new self is brining you happiness, although I must say I always enjoyed your pleasant demeanor. You have a terrific writing style and the tone in which you write these articles always brings me to chuckle.

Talk to you soon MS. NASTY,
Andrea

What you wrote about I Am Angry

There's a great solace in being a misanthrope. I am disappointed with all of humanity, and I wish we would just all go away.

What you wrote about Make-Up

Hi!
Just found this site and wanted to respond as I enjoyed the site and will add it to my favorites .
In response to your last bytch on makeup. I wear makeup because it makes me feel good! I wear it for me, no one else. And dahyamn! I hadn't thought of the response it gets me with opened doors from another living soul and here I thought it was because they were raised with values. hmm...it is true that one learns something new everyday.
Take care!
~Cheryl

What you wrote about Halloween

I also like to watch Halloween. The first one of course because it is the scariest. My favorite candy is Hershey's (plain) or the kisses (any kind is fine by me). Happy Halloween!
~Kim Wytch

What you wrote about you bastard

At least you have a sense of humour about it. I would have just killed her.

What you wrote about things that don't make sense!

You ladies always crack me up!

Names of things. Why is a hamburger called a hamburger, there isn't any ham in it.

What you wrote about Scaring yourself.

I hear you! I do it all of the time too. I am totally obsessed with Stephen King novels! What is your favourite Scary movie?

In response to above my favourite movie is a movie called The Changeling. It starred George C. Scott.

~Carolina

I also love HP Lovecraft and Poe. They are totally the Kings of horror!

What you wrote about Sickness

Maybe they should skin those people alive and see if it is enough agony and pain! Fucking legal system

I live in Toronto and I remember when the posters went up regarding the torture video. Those people are sick and don't deserve to go free. It might be sick of me to say this, but those sicko's probably enjoyed what they did and all they got was a slap on the wrist. Give them a year and once they think the story has blown over they will do something worse.