Type 1: Caring and sensitive – these men already have boyfriends. I do not have a lot of requirements for a potential partner, but heterosexual is one of the few I do have. On the other hand, if a man leaves you for another man, at least you know that person can offer something you can’t.

Type 2: The socially challenged – did you know that the majority of serial killers are single, white men between the ages of 18 and 35? Doesn’t that thought just make you horny? I think not. These pathetic creatures need to move out of Mom’s basement and develop some social skills.

Type 3: Sufferers of SBS (Stingy Bastard Syndrome) – before you get your knickers in a twist, you must realize that when I use the word "stingy" I am NOT referring to money. I am talking about men who are stingy with their time and/or the emotions. I can and do buy my own bobbles. So many men ration their time with their mate as if spending too much time with their partner makes them weak. I don’t want to see a man every day or he will end up getting on my nerves. However, dating someone who only calls to arrange for a date once a week, where it is presumed you will spend more time fucking than talking has a serious case of SBS. I am all for good sex, but I draw the line at being someone’s convenience. The emotional SBSers are just as big assholes as the time SBSers. These pricks REFUSE to tell you anything remotely personal about themselves, lest they become too emotionally attached to you. Heaven forbid they should feel something real for another person. I once dated someone whom it felt like pulling teeth every time I asked him a personal question. I’m talking about asking about his dating history, which if I am fucking him, I have a right to know. His answers were always evasive to say the least. Needless to say, that relationship did not work out. Thank God.

Now, in spite of these three categories of completely unacceptable dating partners, I still believe that miracles can happen. While I have met very few men who do not fall into one of these three categories (I would hazard a guess I have only ever met two in my lifetime and that is giving those two men a lot of credit), I still have faith that one day I will be surprised. Eventually, I will meet a man who will so not exemplify any of the above three types, that I will be knocked off my ass. Until then, thanks to my financial acumen, and the marvels of Black and Decker, I remain blissfully single.

She is a self-proclaimed Goddess of Bitchery (although some would argue it is a much deserved title proclaimed by others as well) who is deliciously on the cusp of 30. With her Clairol-tinted auburn and gold flecked hair and her flab-ulous body, she is a firm believer that there is beauty in all of us and that everything happens for a reason. She is a gem of person with a rapier wit and plenty to bitch about (just ask her friends!). So keep your eyes peeled for more from her as I am sure she will have more to bytch about.....