Scared of the Hahas

Let's talk about fear. If you're like me, you're scared of math tests, sharp piercing-your-arm-for-no-good-reason objects like needles, and the irrational fear of rubber bands. In case you're wondering about this one, why, you don't know when one of these little devils will put your eye out. But the thing that really sends some serious shiver down my spine, is the very thing that's supposed to make people laugh, a clown.

Clowns are everywhere. Rodeos employ clowns to entertain people in between roping and barrell-racing stunts, clowns get hired to go to little kids‚ birthday parties, they get to work in circuses to perform stupid tricks, and last but not least, the horror film industry absolutely loves them. And for a good reason, too.

Clowns are the scariest things on the face of this earth, closely followed by needles and math tests. First of all, you can't even tell if it's a male or a female, so that by itself is scary. Their sense of fashion went down the pipes, baggy pants with all kinds of eye-popping designs and crazy colors, suspenders, long ties and those terrible oversized shoes that look like the clown has a serious athlete's foot. Who invented this mess? Then there's the makeup and hair if one can call it that. Come on! White face paint a la Queen Elizabeth (minus the lead) and oversized red lips that look like the freaking clown had just drunk a pint of blood. And a hairdo to kill (the clown) for.

Another scary thing about them is their maniacal laughter. They often giggle with such weirdness that you wonder when they're gonna pull that expression that's plastered all over Joker's face and jump at you. Back when I was a kid and my parents took me to the circus, I often wished when looking at the clowns, that all those dogs and cats that were performing tricks with them would just turn around and devour them. To my dismay, however, that never happened.

So, why does the world consider clowns funny? Everything about them from the top of that hat with the flower on it that squirts water in your eyes to the soles of those crazy loafers, it‚s SCARY!

Apparently, I'm not the only one who thinks this when I talk to friends and relatives about this phobia. About 90% of them hate clowns, mostly women, which I think is interesting to note. Our fear of clowns can be seen in a bunch of cheap B-type horror movies, like the one from Stephen King that had a clown in it (forgot what it was called), then there's Batman and Joker with his stupid grin, and many others. Clowns are mentioned in sitcoms, too. Remember "That‚s 70s Show" episode when Jackie was scared of a town's symbol, which happened to be a clown? There you have it.

So, in closing, to all those clown haters out there, I say, kudos to you! To all clowns and clown lovers, I say, you suck! Hopefully, one of these days in a better world, clowns will be illegal. That'd be a "haha moment" for me for sure.