Have you ever gotten to the point where you are so fed up with everyone telling you what to do that you just want to tear your hair out? Well, Yours Truly has been at this very point for, oh, thirty-five years now, and my hair is so short that I am often mistaken for a man. So what is it about me that makes everyone think I’m incapable of making decisions for myself? Do I really give off the Damsel In Distress/Helpless Child energy so much that they think I need to be told what to do every minute of the day? Apparently I do, and now that I have had my eyes opened to this particular behavior, I am going to do everything I can to change it.

For thirty-five years I have had family, friends and lovers telling me what I can and cannot do with my life and I am sick to death of it. I am tired of being told how to act, what to think, where to live and who to love, and I am not going to sit back and take it anymore. For the first time in my life I am going to do what makes me happy and I am not going to listen to anymore ‘good advice’ from anyone. This change has been along time coming, and I am not going to waste another minute worrying about what everyone else will think, instead I am going follow my gut and make a decision based on what I think.

My decision to begin a relationship with my friend Jamaica has caused such an uproar with friends and family that I can hardly describe it. For those of you who may not remember, Jamaica and I met at the wedding of my best friend last June, and we have been in constant contact since then. Just knowing that this man is in the world makes me feel safe and, for the first time in my life, truly understood, and I cannot wait for the day when we are together again. I have never felt more strongly for a person in my life; thinking about him makes me smile, and talking to him stimulates me both emotionally and intellectually, but it seems that my falling for Jamaica has brought out anger, sadness and guilt in the people surrounding us. I’ve been made to feel guilty because others think that I had something to do with the break up of his relationship when I truly did not. I am sorry that people have been hurt, but I am not a liar and I will not admit to something that I did not do. I have been warned by people to stay away from him, warned by family not to get involved with someone so far away, and warned by friends who seem to think they know everything there is to know about me.

I have heard their warnings but am not going to heed them. I am tired of playing it safe and of letting others guide my decisions, and I am not going to live my life in fear. I am going to let my heart and my gut guide me instead of the warnings of others, and I am going to follow the signs that the universe has been dropping in my lap since the day I met him. I am ready to take responsibility for my decisions because, for the first time in my life, they are mine alone.