Signs

The universe is a strange and wonderful place, but the strangest of all things are the little signs it chooses to hit us mere mortals with.  No, I'm not going to start spouting New Age Dogma at you, but I am going to tell you that I am, without doubt, a true believer in the idea that the universe really does take care of us if we take the time to listen.

In the last few weeks I have been asking myself some very harsh questions about the path my life has taken: Should I keep writing?  Do I even have the passion for it anymore?  Should I continue dating and seeing certain people, or should I focus on one person entirely?  Can I give myself to one person while still remaining open to possibility?  All of these thoughts have been weighing heavily on me, so heavily in fact that I made a conscious decision to not write until I felt I had a better grasp on the problem, and, although things are still a little murky, I believe that the universe has finally answered my thoughts.

In the past my writing has been like a safe haven for me; no matter how bad things were I always knew that I could write it down and get it out, and I did: abusive parents, abusive relationships, money problems, career disappointments, sex, joy, love, happiness, basically anything that made me passionate, but something happened that made me start to doubt my drive.  I started to let that old demon I like to call 'Is This It' in.  'Is This It' comes to me when I am low and thinking how much of a struggle life is.  I have been battling this demon all of my life, but never as hard as I have been these last few weeks.  The universe must have been listening to my constant chatter, because as soon as I made the decision to stop writing, people started coming up to me and asking me when my next article was coming out.  This sign was only the first of many.  I have been asked to become editor/columnist for the website at work, I have been inspired by a trusted friend of mine to begin writing a series of erotic short stories, and I have been introduced to two literary agents.  All of this came to me just as I was about to stop writing completely.

The universe has been much clearer on my relationship quandary; it has been giving me a short, sharp slap upside the head for the last three months, only I haven't truly been listening.  I'm listening now.  Jamaica and I have been in constant contact everyday, and everyday I am amazed at how similar we are, but the fact that we are a couple thousand miles a part has been daunting to say the least.  There have been nights when I have silently yelled at the universe for placing us so far a part, but the answer has come back to me very quickly.  Attraction and sex are very easy for me, when I feel the need I go out and satisfy it, but with Jamaica I am being forced to take my time and truly get to know him.  It frustrates me that he is not beside me when I wake up, and I truly crave his touch, but I know now in my heart that both of us are being taken care of.  I know it by the amount of times I have heard his favorite song, I know it by the amount of times I have heard someone call out his name, only to not have it be him but some complete stranger, and I know it by the amount of times I think about him and feel completely safe and calm.  The distance is no longer an obstacle, it is only a matter of time, and the trust is firmly in place.  

So yes, the universe is a strange and magical little place, and it is just waiting for people to take the time to listen.  It is only when we stop listening to our fears and open our hearts to possibility that the answers will truly come.