And The Ban Goes On
How wonderful life would be if I were a Georgia housewife with four kids and a white picket fence and nothing more to do with my time than to solve the world’s problems. I imagine that I would sit at my pristine breakfast table every morning with my angelic and adoring family fluttering around me, and I would come up with solution after solution, and the world would be up and running in a perfect and charming order by tea time. And how would all of this be possible? Well, I would have to start at the root of the problem, the root of all evil: I would have to ban books. And not just any books, I would have to ban the books that try and indoctrinate the young and corruptible by use of magic. That’s right, the root of all evil in this world is not war, money or power, it is literature! And literature must be banned!

So now that I have discovered the rotten and disgusting truth about why our world is so bad I have come up with an idea on how to spread my solution to the world: I will stand up in front of whatever type of media that isn’t busy covering the real news and I will drop the bomb that books like J.K. Rowling’s ‘Harry Potter’ series and the Wiccan religion are responsible for corrupting our young. Forgetting the fact that my country’s president is responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent people and a war that my country’s soldiers should never have been sent to, and forgetting also that the media which I am pursuing is also responsible for putting images of torture and human degradation into the path of our young, I will instead focus on the fact that ‘evil’ books such as the ‘Harry Potter’ series have no right being in our public school libraries.

Isn’t this a wonderful idea on how to cure the world’s ills? I think that once this Georgia housewife gets her point across to the world’s nations, all our problems will simply disappear! Having said this I think she should take her idea and broaden it: ban all books pertaining to magick, in fact ban everything and everyone even remotely associated to the word! In order to help this Georgia house wife I have composed a short list of books and people who should be on the evil blacklist:
J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Lewis Carroll, Jules Verne, J.M Barrie, J.K. Rowling, just to name a few. These so-called writers are responsible for making children believe in far off lands, faeries, talking cats and Mad Hatters, and they must be stopped! Never mind that these books teach our children the differences between right and wrong and good and bad, never mind that they promote the ideas of courage and strength against adversity, and we certainly shouldn’t bother with the idea that they teach our young to follow their hearts because we know what’s best for them! The only way to make sure our children are safe from the evils of this world is to make sure that they never be allowed to use their imagination! Now let’s move on shall we? We must now ban the legends surrounding St. Nicholas and the Easter Bunny. Sorry kids, but it’s true. Santa Claus uses magick to run both his sleigh and his demonic reindeer so you’ll just have to forget about him, and the Easter Bunny? Well, any animal that talks and delivers chocolate eggs to everyone must be evil so he must banished into the fiery pits of hell from whence he came.

Isn’t this Georgia housewife’s world a wonderful place for children to grow up? It’s a place where children will speak when spoken to, do as they’re told and never be allowed to think outside the little box that this Georgia housewife with too much time on her hands is trying to create for them. It might sound nice to some of you, but to this believer in faeires and far off lands that world would be like a prison, and it should only ever have an inmate population of one. Her.

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