REALITY BITES

I can’t believe I’m saying this but after thirty-four years of abuse I am finally ready to admit that I have an addiction. My name is Anna and I am a Televisionaholic. I can’t tell you how I let myself become so addicted but it has gotten so bad lately that I have really begun to scare myself. Just how bad is it? Last night I stayed up to watch ‘Paris Hilton’s Most Shocking Television Moments’. I think I may need to put myself in a twelve step program and the sooner the better.

My addiction to television began like so many children of single parent homes, I was put in front of the Electronic Babysitter so my mom could go off to work with a clear conscience, knowing that I would be safe and wouldn’t get into any trouble. I remember being completely transfixed; I think I actually believed that what I was watching was real. I remember sitting there and wondering just how the people on ‘Gilligan’s Island’ were smart enough to make a radio but couldn’t be arsed to find a way to use the bloody thing to get rescued. It didn’t stop with ‘Gilligan’s Island’, it continued with desperately wanting to have my dreams come true on ‘Fantasy Island’ and then falling in love on ‘The Love Boat’. I believed that Bo and Luke Duke really lived in Hazzard County and spent their days catching bad guys and foiling Boss Hogg’s plans and no one could tell me otherwise. I was so desperate to escape my own life that I completely immersed myself in television.

Television has always been a crutch for me; whenever life gets too stressful I just it on and switch off my mind. If I have a bad day at work I come home and switch on ‘Charmed’ and pretend that I’m Piper and have the power to blow my boss up like the demon that he is. If I have a bad date I come home and watch my special edition DVD of ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and pretend that Mr. Darcy is hopelessly in love with me and not Elizabeth Bennett. Now you might be thinking that it doesn’t sound like I have much of an addiction but when I began to add up the hours that I spend staring at the screen it became clear to me that I do have a problem. Take the Paris Hilton night for instance. I spent the entire day and night by myself, not speaking to anyone and not leaving the comfort of my couch…not even to take a shower. I stayed on my couch for a full twenty-four hours and did absolutely nothing.

What really frightens me is that I complain so much about the fact that my job doesn’t allow me the freedom to do the things that I want, but when I get to the weekend all I want to do is sit and stare and not think at all. Think what you want but I truly believe that television is addictive and should be recognized as such, and I am going to fight it. I have decided that I am going to attack this problem the only way I know how: I am going to cut the cord and disentangle myself. I have made myself a goal that I am not going to watch television for one week and I am going to see just how much I get accomplished. Instead of watching old ‘Mash’ reruns I am going to start doing Yoga, and I am also going to be doing a lot of writing, so the ‘CSI’ team will just have to solve murders without me. I am going to clean my house, sort out closets, paint my balcony, re-pot my plants and wash my curtains. I am going to be so busy this week that I won’t have time to miss my old babysitter; I’m going to be productive and energetic, positive and creative. I’m going to beat this addiction no matter what it takes.

And I’m starting right after ‘Battlestar Galactica’

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