THE THING ABOUT THOTH

I don’t know whether it’s because I have deprived myself of television stimulus for the last week or if it’s because I’m a complete whack job, but my dreams have been so vivid that I’m not sure if they are just a part of my subconscious, or if I am truly receiving messages from the Gods. So all you armchair therapists, Yours Truly needs her head examined yet again, so get out your notepads and put on your thinking caps ‘cause here comes a doozy of a dream.

I am sitting in a pub and I am staring into an empty fish tank, empty but for a Mummy’s hand, decaying bandages and all, which lies at the bottom. At the top of the fish tank is a large red button that I feel compelled to press. Now here’s where it gets very Alice in Wonderland because as I press the button, the Mummy’s hand begins to regenerate, and I am shown pictures of a being that is half man, half something else; I am also aware that the voice I am hearing is not inside my head, but emanating from the fish tank.

"This is Thoth. Take him."

As I take the hand I am transported from the pub to a field of ice; I am a man with jet black hair and I am wearing a blood red cape. I can hear the screams of men dying in battle but I am alone on the ice and I am terrified; instead of running to help my soldiers I am running away, but the ice is so slippery that I fall and crack my head on it. At this point I am made aware of a young child with snow white hair and deep blue eyes; it is neither male nor female and not entirely human.

"You have skipped enough, today," It says to me, "You must keep him now."

I am then transported back to the fish tank where I notice that the hand is no longer there, but has somehow formed over my own.

As usual, when I woke up, I wondered just what kind of drugs I had taken the night before to make me dream such nonsense, and I tried to laugh it off as such, but this dream would not go away. I thought about it all morning and couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different about it, something was different about me. To put my mind at ease, and also to put this dream back in the realm of nonsense, I decided that I would Google the word Thoth to see what I could come up with. What I found completely shocked me.

Please note that up until I had this dream I had no idea of whom or what Thoth is. Thoth is the Egyptian God of Writing. He was thought to have created the spoken language of ancient Egypt and is credited with writing the mythical Book of the Dead; he was also known as the God of Wisdom and the Moon, and was worshipped by ancient Egyptian scribes. In pictures he is depicted as having the torso of a man but the head of a baboon, and he is holding a crescent moon in his hand.

The reason why this shocked me is that I have been questioning my ability to write. I have been full of doubt and anger because I thought that by this time in my life I would be settled and successful. I have been whipping myself for not having a 9 to 5 job, family, car, house with a white picket fence, etc. and I have been trying to shut off that little voice in my head that always reminds me that I would never be happy with those things if I had them. I know that my one passion is writing; it is the only thing in this crazy world that makes me happy and keeps me centered. I know now that it is a gift given by the Gods, but I have been denying myself this pleasure because I honestly haven’t been feeling worthy of it.

So get ready all you therapists out there because here it comes: I think I have been given a message from Thoth, the Egyptian God of Writing. I understand that He is telling me to get off my arse and stop beating myself up. I know that I am not meant to live that ordered 9 to 5 existence, but will somebody please tell me why the hell I would listen to a talking fish tank?

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