The Bytch Ain’t A Mother…Yet.

Will someone please tell me why people assume that just because a woman is in her thirties she should automatically be in full Mother mode? Is it written somewhere that once a woman hits thirty she should have offspring biting her ankles and –even worse- her nipples? If it is will someone show me that book so I can burn it? I am so tired of people expecting me to be expecting just because I am in my early thirties and I can ovulate, those two factors do not a good mother make. I get so angry when people, men mostly, look at me like I have two heads when I say that children aren’t a part of my immediate plans, it’s like they’re surprised that I don’t have a giant biological clock strapped to my back that’s ticking away like a bomb about to explode. Why should it be such a concern to other people that I haven’t gotten sprogged up yet when according to certain family members (i.e. my mother) I’m still too much of a sprog myself?

All of this frustration came to a head this last week when my beautiful niece finally and safely (thank God) arrived on February 28th, weighing in at 7 lbs 2 oz. I am a proud auntie once again! But Eva’s arrival was unfortunately accompanied by the same tired old question that reared its ugly head seven years ago when my nephew Jonah was born: When am I going to get my shit together and squeeze out a kid? My answer is still the same as it was seven years ago: My hips may be wide but the ain’t made for child bearing. It was brought to my attention by a close friend of the family that my aversion to child bearing made me a selfish person, and that any woman who didn’t want children was selfish as well. Why?! Why does my not wanting a child at this point in my life make me selfish? Wouldn’t it be worse if I brought a child into the world knowing that I am nowhere near capable of raising it or caring for it financially or emotionally? I live from hand to mouth barely making ends meet, what kind of environment is that to raise a child in? On most days I resemble something akin to Bridget Jones on acid; I feel guilty even subjecting my cats to this kind of craziness, so why on earth would I inflict it on another far more innocent human being? Far too many children are neglected in this world as it is and I absolutely refuse to add to the problem. If that makes me a selfish person then so be it.

I refuse to believe that just because I’m a woman I have to be a mother as well; some women just aren’t meant to be mothers, but that in no way means that I’m not maternal, in fact I’m a fucking fantastic auntie. I’m the fun aunt that rolls around on the grass and jumps on the trampoline. I’m the cool aunt that brings the awesome toys and knows the best jokes. The best part? I’m also the aunt that gets to know the secrets that none of the other aunts know. I’m not ready for a child of my own and that doesn’t make me selfish. I don’t believe in the adage that ‘just because we can, we should’, I mean, they created the atomic bomb because they could and look at the havoc that reeked on the world. That is the equivalent of what kind of mother I would make at this point in my life. Maybe it’ll happen in five or ten years when I’m settled emotionally and financially or maybe it’ll never happen, who knows what the future holds. But one thing I do know is that by owning up to my short comings makes me aware of my actions and attitudes concerning other people, and that is something a selfish person isn’t capable of doing.

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