Thoughts on a Blue Moon
Though many may not know it, we have experienced an astronomical phenomenon this last month: the occurrence of the Blue Moon. A Blue Moon only happens well…once in a blue moon (every 2 -3 years), and it had a little extra kick to it this time because it showed its lovely face first in Scorpio, and then again in Sagittarius. Okay, so this might not be earth shattering news to everyone, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. Like every woman on the planet my body ebbs and flows with the tides of the moon, but I am also a witch; I live my life according to my own rules along with the laws of nature and the universe, so the occurrence of the Blue Moon has made me extremely sensitive and highly emotional, and it has put my sixth sense into overdrive.

This last month has been one of moments of extreme clarity (usually at four in the morning when I can’t do a bloody thing about them but sit in my bed and worry), depression and restlessness (due to a lack of sleep due to the aforementioned thoughts), and, when I did manage to get some sleep, dreams that were both hilarious and horrifying. I can’t remember ever having been closer to the edge emotionally than I have in the last month, but as scary as it might sound it has also brought me closer to where I want to be. In the past when things got too extreme, when my dreams were Night Terrors and I went from one mood stabilizer to the next, I simply shut down emotionally. I wouldn’t let anyone near me; I pushed people away and I forced myself to think the worst about my life, my body and my mind. I had so many things eating away at me that they just seemed insurmountable. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to sit and tear my hair out, but in the end I had to make the decision to make myself better without the aide of Wellbutrin, Paxil or whatever emotional band aid I could get my hands on.

How did I do it? I simply made the decision to be happy, to be honest with myself and my loved ones, and to stop bottling my feelings up and pushing them down. This last month has been a test from start to finish because I was hit with two full moons when one is usually enough to make me think I’m going slightly barmy; I had to keep in mind that I was not going crazy, and that I didn’t need medication or a large bottle of wine to keep myself calm. Instead I threw myself into things that I knew were good for me: yoga, running and kitten feeding, and every day I reminded myself that I had things in my life that needed to be celebrated instead of being ignored.

So here are a few things that I am celebrating as the Blue Moon fades:

1. My family. The one that I was born into and the one that I have made.
   
2. My cats.
   
3. My complete lack of direction, because it means that I am free to go wherever I want.
   
4. My Singledom, because it means that I am Queen in my own home.
   
5. My slightly off-kilter mind, because it is open, uninhibited, and always searching.

In a way I am sad to see the Blue Moon go because it made me face my old dark demons: insecurity, depression, sadness, but I am also glad to see the end of it because it means that I have managed to keep my head up yet again, and so tonight when the moon (and my life) returns to normal I will thank the Gods that this madness really does happen only once in a blue moon.