What A Pisser

Ladies and Gentlemen, I come to you today sweaty, disgusted and very amused. After fourteen years of fighting it I am finally embracing my lot as a full blown Torontonian, and I have the public transit system of this city to thank for it. I have been under the misguided illusion that public urination in this country was limited to drunken idiots pathetically relieving themselves on war memorials, but I know now that they exist everywhere and they don’t care what they’re pissing on or who they’re pissing off.

I have long been a detractor of the public transit system in this city; I believe it to be one of the worst things about Toronto, alongside the regrettable years when Mel Lastman somehow found his way to the mayor’s chair. I have spent many a freezing cold/rainy/snowy/disgustingly muggy morning/afternoon/evening waiting for the bus/subway, and I am always met with a snarling/growling driver, obviously disgusted with his/her lot in life as he/she drives like a pilot on a kamikaze mission. Up until this week I have never been able to understand why these people react to the general public in such a negative way seeing as how we pay their salaries, but I think now I have a slightly clearer view of what they come up against on a daily basis.

I was making my way down the grimy stairs at Eglinton West station, (only because the escalator was, once again, broken. Listen, I may work at a gym but it doesn’t mean that I actually work out) and I was being very careful not to touch the railing for fear of catching whatever the hacking old lady in front of me had when I noticed him straight ahead of me. He looked like a normal young man, head phones on, bopping his head up and down as he text messaged someone, but that, unfortunately for me and all of the others waiting patiently for the subway, was where normal ended. Before I knew what was happening this young man reached down, unzipped and whipped his Willy out. Yes, Ladies and Gents, Yours Truly has finally become a fully realized Torontonian by witnessing her first public piss fest! I couldn’t believe it was happening right in front of me, but more astonishing was the fact that no one else seemed to find anything out of the ordinary; they all continued to stare at their newspapers/books/fingernails as he continued to stare at the long stream of urine pouring from his little trouser snake. I couldn’t help but be totally revolted and completely captivated all at the same time; I wanted to look away because I’m sure that it’s written in Emily Poste somewhere that it’s impolite to watch people urinate, but he was urinating in a public place and therefore open to public scrutiny.

As I stood there watching him relieve himself I became aware that not only was this man not drunk but that he was fully aware that people (i.e. me) were watching him. It was at this point that a transit worker finally made his way down to where the huddled and unwashed masses were and, without hesitation, walked up to the little pisser and ordered him to zip up. The young man obliged and shrugged his shoulders as if to say ‘when you gotta go, you gotta go.’ And that was the end of it. There were no warnings given, no tickets for public indecency written, nothing. The young man got on the train as if nothing happened, the officer, weary and bored and looking as if he’d seen it all before, went back to his booth, and Yours Truly went home a lot wiser, understanding that change is inevitable.

And so I come to you as a wide eyed completely disgusted full fledged Torontonian. I am not shocked by anything anymore…except for the fact that my next door neighbor likes to explore her sexuality in her living room while I’m sitting on my balcony in full view. I really have to learn to look away.

comments

God, that is so sad.
*shaking my head in disbelief*

I have witnessed weird/disgusting/disturbing things on the TTC myself in the
last 17 years that I have been using it, but have always been one of those
people that just look and then look away, not knowing what to do or who to
turn to in a hurry.  As I'm (and we're all, I think) usually rushing when on
the TTC, taking prescious time to complain is usually not our forte. Or we
feel that it would be pointless?  Sometimes if something horrid happens I
will tell a conductor or a TTC worker but that is very rare.

Not wanting to go into these gross instances that I have experienced, I
think we just have to realize that the TTC is public property, as is our
streets and back alleys, where usually nasty/weird and disturbing things
going on is the norm, and getting involved in whatever is happening is
something that we should do at our own risk, as our safety is never
guaranteed.

I'm the same way now, not a whole lot will shock me anymore.  We have been
desensitized thanks to our society and the media.  I just hope that people
out there can still tell wrong from right when the wrong gets out of hand
and help is needed.  In those instances, let's hope that we won't all be too
lazy (myself included), or too much in a hurry ... or too proud to get our
clothes and hands dirty, and our ego bruised.
Zita

If you have comments about this article please email us @ comments@shebytches.com. We will post them on the right. You can also contact Anna @ anna@shebytches.com.