To explain why this emotional explosion occurred I have to go back to the beginning of this week. On Monday I was told that I would have to let another girl go at work, and when I asked whom I should get to replace her they told me that I would be taking the extra hours. (Extra hours that I would not be getting paid for. A little fact that they did not mention.) So what did I do? I followed orders and swallowed my anger. I did not end up taking the hours as one of the other girls was eager for the money, but I did let one girl go. I told her that I thought that her expertise would be better used somewhere else, not to take it personally, that she wasn’t grasping the responsibilities of her job, that I would help her find other work in whatever way I could, that she was lovely but she just wasn’t confident enough, yada yada yada. She burst into tears in front of me. So what did I do? I watched her get her coat and walk out of the gym with absolutely no confidence at all. After she had gone I went into my boss’s office and told him that I had let her go and he looked and me and said, in all seriousness, "Good, because she was butt fucking ugly." I clenched my jaw, turned on my heel and left without saying a word.

On Wednesday I woke up on the couch once again to find that not only was my apartment freezing cold but that the frost was actually on the inside of my balcony doors. The living room was so cold that both of my cats were actually under the duvet with me trying to keep warm. I immediately went to my thermometer and found that the temperature in my lovely abode had dropped to a balmy fifty-five degrees. So what did I do? I called the super and told him what had happened and his reply was that he would ‘get around to it’ when he could. When I returned home that night I realized that nothing had been done and that I was still living in a deep freeze, so I called him again and this time he did actually make room in his busy schedule to attend to one of his tenants. When he came up to the apartment he tried to make it seem as if I was making a mountain out of a mole hill but I could tell by his tight expression that he did not want to admit that he was as cold in my apartment as I was.

On Friday I went to work only to find out that, yet again, a girl had been let go because she had refused to plunge a toilet that was overflowing. Now let me ask you something, have you ever heard of a receptionist having the responsibility of toilet plunging along with greeting the clients? When I explained this to my boss he told me that there was a ‘zero tolerance’ law now towards anyone who spoke back to him and that he was ‘sick and tired of all you girls and your mood swings.’ I then sat down and told him that what he had just done was unlawful and that this particular young woman would already be on the phone to the Labor Board unless he called her up and apologized. I didn’t ask him to hire her back or offer her a severance, just to apologize and say that he lost his temper. That’s all. His response? ‘I don’t do that. I know that I must have looked a little shocked at his response but I couldn’t help it. This man was willing to involve himself in a wrongful dismissal suit because he didn’t want to admit that he was wrong and once again I found myself cleaning up a mess that someone else had made.

The one and only thing that has gotten me through this week is an idea that was put into my head by a very dear friend of mine who is famous for giving people much-needed kicks in the ass. She said that there is only one thing that separates human beings from each other: those that have steel toes and those that wish they had. Those that have steel toes are the people that take charge of situations and never let anyone take advantage of them. The Steel Toes are the people who do things with passion and never let negative energy rule their lives; they are the ones who demand that things be done right and that people take responsibility for their actions. ‘Anna, you don’t have steel toes anymore. What happened?’

What did happen? I’m not sure. I’m not sure when I let things get out of control…they’ve been out of control for so long that I’m not sure if I can get them back. The only thing I can do is walk into that den of vipers and lions on Monday and begin to assert myself - my old self – in the way that I was once accustomed to. Talk about a swift kick in the ass.

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