LEAP OF FAITH
I don’t know why, but it seems that the people around me are making dramatic life changes and I have to admit that their energy is having an effect on me. Several of my close friends have ended long term relationships, my best friend being one of them, and other friends have switched jobs, gotten married, or started families, but they all have one thing in common: they took the leap.

I was never good with the idea of change until now. I’ve stayed in relationships that were destructive and violent because I was afraid of being alone, I’ve stayed in jobs where I was verbally abused, over worked and under paid because I didn’t want to take the chance of looking for anything new, and I’ve stayed in this city because I know that I will always have my mother and sisters here to take care of me. I’m embarrassed to admit these things because in a way they make me feel like I’ve failed; I’m thirty five years old and I haven’t lived my life.

Until now. In the last few weeks I’ve taken stock of where I am and where I want to go from here; believe me it’s not a task to be taken lightly. I have been inspired to make the necessary changes by my dearest friend, who ended her relationship, packed up her belongings, squared her shoulders and walked out the door without a second thought. The idea that, after so many years of being unhappy, she could take control and start living life on her terms has made me even more proud of her than I was, and has also brought to light the fact that it is not too late for me to do the same.

I don’t want to live with regret anymore; I don’t want to live with the words ‘I can’t’ in my vocabulary, instead I want to do the things that scare me and challenge me, and it begins with the idea that it is time for me to move out of this city. For the last fifteen years I have been sheltered by my family, anytime I got into trouble I knew that my mother would be there to bail me out; I’m ashamed of it but I must be honest. I got myself into financial trouble knowing full well that I would end up going to her to help me with my creditors, and every time something went wrong with one of my relationships, her shoulder would be wet with my tears. All of that is about to change.

Will I fall on my ass? Probably. Am I terrified of making this move? Absolutely. But if I’ve learned anything from the last few weeks it’s this: change is not to be feared, it should be embraced. The universe has offered me this chance to start a new chapter in my life and I don’t intend on wasting another moment being unhappy. I want to take a page from my brave best friend’s book and begin living my life on my own terms. It’s taken thirty five years, but the bridge has finally appeared and I am ready to take the leap.