Getting To Know You
That’s right Class, today’s lesson in self-healing is entitled ‘You and Your Tumors: A Guide To Knowing Your Body and Effectively Telling Those Know It All Doctors To Kiss Your Ass.’ As I am the occupant of a body filled (for the time being) to capacity with Fibroid tumors, I feel that I am the right person to lead you on this journey.

My own journey began last December when I went to my first doctor, thinking that I had Celiacs Disease; I had all the symptoms: skin rash, bloating, fatigue, but what I learned was that my body had created multiple Fibroid tumors in my uterus and that I would be unable to bear children. In a matter of minutes my life was turned upside down. I sat stupefied in his office while he explained to me that my lifelong dream of being a mother would be just that, a dream. I was told in no uncertain terms that the tumors were so large and so many that the only option for me was a Hysterectomy, at which point I burst into hot and noisy sobs and collapsed into my sister’s arms. The thoughts going through my head at that moment were painful to say the least: I am thirty-five and alone, I will never have a child to call my own, I am a failure as a woman, and, perhaps the worst thought of all, what man will want me if I can’t have a baby? I hate admitting that I had these thoughts rattling around in my head because I am, by nature, a very positive person, but they were there and would not be suppressed. What I didn’t know was at that very moment I was learning the first of three lessons:

1. ACKNOWLEDGE IT. DEAL WITH IT. GET ON WITH IT.
   

What I learned from that one single moment was that the emotions I was feeling were completely normal and healthy. Acknowledging the loss and sadness allowed me to center myself; sitting with the grief gave me the strength to focus on a plan to get well and get on with my life.
As I began to formulate my plan I began to realize that Western Medicine and the doctors that study it do not believe that emotional imbalance and physical illness are in any way connected; they treat the disease but not the person. I realized this soon after leaving my first doctor who was a kind and sympathetic man, but who immediately decided that the only route was removing my uterus. After that meeting I went to a specialist who told me that the only way to cure my body was with Laser surgery and massive doses of Naproxen, both of which I adamantly refused to do. He then told me that another option was going on a contraceptive patch to stop my period all together which made absolutely no sense at all to me; I was trying to regulate my period not stop it completely! After that consultation I went to a man who actually took the time to listen to me, a Naturopathic doctor who was recommended to me by my oldest sister. He began by asking me what kind of stress I had been under, how much I slept at night, what my diet and exercise routine was like, and if I had been through any emotional trauma in the last year, and all of a sudden a light bulb went on. I had never fully dealt with the death of my beautiful grandmother whom I loved dearly; it was at that time that my period began to change. I was so busy trying to stay positive that I didn’t allow my body the chance to really grieve; I just stuffed the emotion away and tried not to think about her. When I realized this I knew that I had found the answer and the treatment that I was looking for. Understanding this led me to my next lesson:

1. GET THIRD OPINIONS.
   Doctors are not Gods. They do not have all the answers and sometimes they are wrong. Keep searching until you find what really works for you; don’t stop looking just because one doctor says it’s hopeless. It is never hopeless.

Since December I have been on a quest to heal myself with natural herbs and plant enzymes, through yoga and running, and through talking about my emotions, especially those pertaining to my Gran, to my family and friends. I miss my Gran every single day, but I miss her in a way that makes me strangely happy. I got to love and be loved by a very special woman, someone who was intelligent, proud, warm and infinitely loving, and I will not allow myself to lose that feeling again. Though the tumors are still inside of me and are quite painful, I will not allow them to rule my life. I will also not accept the idea that I will not have children. I had a friend tell me something many years ago that I have always believed to be true: Doctors don’t give children, God does. Though I do not believe in organized religions I have always taken that sentiment to mean that the universe will bring an answer to my dream, one way or another. And so my final lesson is this:

1. KEEP THE FAITH.
   Be angry, yell, scream, punch walls, wail, but don’t ever give up. I have come to the understanding that the universe never gives us anything we can’t handle.
   And I can handle this.