A Breakup Tale In So Many Parts

Parts 48 and 49

Part 49: 52 days, 9 hours, 50 minutes since you left me...

There was a great loss in my life last night.
If anyone has been reading this for a long time, you will understand and sympathize.
Last night, at approximately 12:42am... we all lost a good friend and colleague:

Frankenstein, The Hot Wired Vibrator

Post 11/03/06: 35 days, 15 hours, 4 minutes...
2004-2006

(Moment of Silence, please)

If tears could build a stairway,

And memories a lane,

I'd walk right up to Heaven

And bring you home again.

(but this time,

I'd make you work

longer

so I wouldn't have to

cut you open and

hot wire you like I'm

a sexually defective

idiot)

I tried my best to revive him. I stripped wires with my cuticle clippers and tried to reconnect them. I screamed, "C'mon, big guy, C'mon!"
I want you to know I tried my best.
I want you all to know I did everything I could.
He just couldn't hold on any longer.

Now I have to wait until I have enough money to go to Babeland.

In lieu of flowers, gift certificates to Babeland can be sent to me.

Seriously.

Or you can buy me a horse or a banister.

Part 49: 53 days, 7 hours, 18 minutes since you left me...

Last night, I wrote a rant about online dating. Then I erased it. I don't think it was fair to anyone. And I don't think it's what I was really pissed about.

Let's be honest, you only left 2 months ago. As happy as I am to have you gone, I am in a bit of a tumult from all of the shit we went through the last four or five years. This marriage should have ended then. Not that I shouldn't be going out and having a good time with the opposite sex, I just need to chill the heck out and not let how I felt when I was with you interfere with who I am today. I need to be aware when those latent tendencies begin to creep into my thoughts and behaviors.

This marriage should never have happened.

Why did this marriage happen?

Ahhhhhh... I needed a place to which to escape. That's probably the short of it, isn't it?

I don't consider it a waste of my time. I consider it a lesson learned. I have to look at it that way. I have to be grateful, bla bla bla... and why is this?

Or else I'll go insane.

Right now, my entire life seems like a lesson learned. My entire life seems like the story of Sisyphus over and over: I learned to be brave, funny and to survive after years of dysfunction and abuse, I learned to be strong in sobriety and being clean, I learned to persevere through bad relationships, physical and mental illness, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, all of my surgeries and idiot doctors with God complexes and two divorces (the first was actually an annulment, I think).

Now, I'm supposed to learn all about dating again? Now, I get to "learn as I go along" about online dating?

Are you pulling my g-string (which I can wear now that I lost weight, she says, tooting her own horn)?

Oh, Come ON!

How many classes do I have to take until I graduate or go on Spring Break? I just want a teeny tiny vacation, is all. I just want a little break, please. For God's sake, I'm serious.

Sometimes...I feel like I don't know when I won't be able to take it anymore

Pity Pot, table for one, right? Well, at least there's the Today show to take my mind off things this morning. Good ol' Matt, Merideth, Al and Ann...

OMG, Chris Daughtry from American Idol has a CD out?!!? HE has a career?

I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.

Here I go, rolling up that hill again.