A Breakup Tale in So Many Parts
By Adrianne Frost
Part 4: 6 days, 12 hours and 4 minutes since you left me...

Today I have no plans. I'm supposed to go to the gym. I probably will. I feel like lying in bed all day. This is where the sadness catches up. Screw it all.

Today I'm trying to create a budget because, this year, you make more money than I do. The past four years, I've far surpassed you financially. You used to joke about riding my coattails. Well, I guess you had to be riding something, you dickless shrew.
What is most aggravating about doing my budget, because I always did one every month, for my eyes only, because you're a big titty baby who doesn't own up to any responsibility for anything except, I guess, for being my "caretaker" all those years that you "pretended" and "tried" to love me---
deeeeeeeeeeep breath
What is most aggravating for me is that all of my good goddamn heidie hoodie mothersucking passwords are some semblance of your name and birth year.
I'm too sad to change all of the passwords. I'm too tired today.
I loathe you.
Today I went to your myspace page and saw that you changed your profile to "Single".
Mother sucker.
You mother sucker.
You are not "Single". You are not flipping "Single"! You are not flipping "Single" and you k I'd see it and what the flipadoodle am I doing looking at your myspace page anyway? I sent you an angry email because I'm apparently still in high school.
Today I cried and told my friend, "I'm not giving up".
"He's not coming back", she said.
And that went back and forth like Wimbledon for a while.
I told her I'm not trying to get you back. I just hope you come to your senses, realize you made a huge mistake and other clichés. OHMYGOD what did I do? You'll think and I will say, "Down on your knees, lying weinersuckahhhhhhhhhhhhh' (with the 'suckahhhhhh' part going up really high at the end)". And then I kick you to the curb.
I told her that when we meet to discuss the taking of your things in front of a third party, I will not ask you for another chance, I will not ask why you are doing this, I will not ask why you gave up, I will not cry, I will not call you an asshole, titty baby Mama's boy... but I will want to. Afterwards, I will cry a lot. I will sleep a lot. I will smoke a lot. Then I will quit again.
In about a year, I will have given up hope that you will appear and be in love with me again.
Today I only finished one stool of the breakfast set that has been sitting in a box for over a month. You hated tools. Because you are one.
Today I got a free Photoshop 30 day trial so I can really distort photos of you and post them here. I plan to make you into hideous things and me into flowers and kittens.
Yesterday I cried on the subway because I saw a chubby tourist kid wearing a fedora, t-shirt and shorts, with his parents. He looked like he was in the 1977 cast of the TV show ZOOM. You and I would have laughed about it and I would've said he was obviously riding the McNugget train. You would've said that he was in the cast of "Godspell" and we would have laughed our asses off.
Then I realized maybe you were my gay boyfriend and I was the fat girl you danced with.
They say it takes half the time you were together to get over a relationship or some shit like that, but I don't have time for that. I need to be an on-the-go, jet setting, hot mama kind of gal; the kind of gal who calls herself a "gal".
I don't have time for the break up blues, I journal in a Wonder Woman notebook! Look at me!
What have you done to me? Can a city this big remind me of you at every turn?
I don't want to move back home to forget about you. I don't want to be "Hope Floats".
Hope doesn't float. I saw it sink on Letterman.