Random Thoughts While Watching MuchMoreMusic

When you've been sending resumes out for a few hours straight, you need to take a moment to let your brain disengage. I like to sit down with a cup of coffee and watch MuchMoreMusic's MuchMoreRetro show. I have a good laugh and then I'm good for the rest of the afternoon.

As I sit and let my brain drift off, it starts to generate random thoughts. I feel that I should share them with you. Because I can. You don't have to read it. But you might as well since I wrote this. Go ahead, keep reading.

"Tom's Diner" by Suzanne Vega (the Remix): Back when I was in CEGEP, I had to take a gym class every semester. One semester I found that all the gym classes save Weight Training and Aerobics were full by the time I got around to registering. I opted for Aerobics, figuring it was the lesser of the two evils. The aerobics class was at 8:30am on Tuesdays and Thursdays, right before my philosophy class entitled, "The Problem of God." Everyone said to me, "You'll be so refreshed after Aerobics! And you'll be awake and focused for class." These people were obviously insane because all I was for class was sweaty and exhausted. After Aerobics I'd have to sit through one and a half hours of Professor Queen explaining to the religious folks in the class that they couldn't discuss the motivations of an intemporal deity as if it were their next door neighbour -- at least not in a philosophy class. I had to pay attentin to this and to why Thomas Aquinas's proof of the existence of god was full of logical fallacies while sweaty, gross and tired. It was a lot less fun than you would think. At this point you're probably wondering what this has to do with the remix of Suzanne Vega's "Tom's Diner?" Well, it was used as the warm up music for every Aerobics class. Not only was hearing the song every Tuesday and Thursday morning annoying, it was also annoying to have the song stuck in my head all day, including through "The Problem of God." I think this may be one reason why I now prefer weight training over aerobics.

"Love Song" By The Cure: Way back when The Cure had only been totally irrelevant for ten years, they decided to make a comeback. Robert Smith, the frontman, had become quite plump by then. I mean, he's really plump now, but back then he had only started getting plump. Anyways, my friend, Mirella, had recently gone to Italy and she had brought back an Italian Hit Parade magazine that featured an article about The Cure's comeback tour. In the article they referred to Robert Smith as "il grosso Bob," which could be interpreted as either "the big star, Bob" or "large Bob." Mirella chose the latter interpretation and embellished it to "Fat Bob." Mirella and I started calling Robert Smith "Fat Bob" in regular conversation. Eventually all our friends started referring to Robert Smith as "Fat Bob." Then, about six months later, I was listening to the radio and the DJ called Robert Smith "Fat Bob!" I am sure, to this day, that Mirella's use of "Fat Bob" spread throughout Montreal to become common usage. [Sidebar: Robert Smith's fatness reminds me of Ann Wilson from Heart. In the 80s Ann had become quite large, which was why all her shots in the video for "What About Love" were shot with her, um, thinned out. One day a radio DJ was introducing "What About Love" and he said, "Of course, given Ann Wilson's size, it's more like 'What About Those Chocolate Eclairs.'" Poor Ann Wilson. She was so cool during her Dreamboat Annie phase.]

Eventually, MuchMoreRetro ended and the first "new" video they played was "All Because of You" by U2.

"All Because of You" by U2: Talk about stars from yesteryear who've lost their lustre. When I started high school, U2 was The Next Big Thing. They were cool. They were angry. They were anti-war. The frontman's name was Bono Vox. The guitarest was known as "The Edge." They were fierce. Then they started to believe their own hype. (Sorta the way Gwen Stefani seems to be believing her own hype and is now making totally unoriginal music. Ripping off "If I Were A Rich Man" from Fiddler on The Roof is probably the lamest thing I've heard since Kyper sampled Yes's "Owner of a Lonely Heart.") They recorded the album "Rattle and Hum," which my aforementioned pal, Mirella, referred to as "Cattle and Scum." The love affair was fading. Now it seems that U2 doesn't know when to friggin' stop! They're becoming the Old Man Band of the naughties the way The Rolling Stones were the Old Man Band of the 80s. Larry, U2's drummer, is sporting a ducky hair do; he looks like he should be singing Country-Western tunes in a line-dancing bar somewhere on the side of the highway. The Edge is starting to get old man paunch, yet still insists on wearing tight T-shirts. I suspect he's going bald since he also keeps wearing that tuque/skullcap he first sported in the video for "Numb." Hopefully it isn't the same one. Finally, I would like to know why Bono, who claims to be a smart man, believes that none of us can tell that he's using Grecian Formula to hide his grey hair. He can't possibly believe that that matte, dull, black hair colour looks good. Does he think that the stubble makes him look edgy? Does he think the tinted glasses make him look cool? He looks like a dirty, greasy old man. Each time I see one of U2's sad, sad videos, I think about how cool they were back in the 80s and I scream "Why can't you just fade gracefully instead of desperately trying to hang on to your youth? Get over yourselves already!"

And that, folks, were some random thoughts while watching MuchMoreMusic during an afternoon's rest.